You know what makes Vince Vaughn horny? Property. Make Vince watch Location Location Location and he’ll start dry-humping whatever’s closest to him.
Probably. And Vince Vaughn’s possibly-fictitious property fetish goes even further – not only do we expect that he often rubs his groin up and down the kitchen section of Habitat, but he’s also just got engaged to real estate agent Kyla Weber.
Amusingly, the details of Vince Vaughn’s engagement are spectacularly vague – but all that matters is that Vince Vaughn is happy. And also that Jennifer Aniston will have definitely railroaded John Mayer into getting engaged to her by teatime.
On the surface you might not think that Vince Vaughn and Charlie Sheen have a lot in common, but they do. For instance, neither one of them is quite as funny as they think they are, plus they both have high-profile exes who, while pretty, couldn’t be more needy if they were literally homeless. But most of all, both Vince Vaughn and Charlie Sheen have fallen in love with real estate agents.
Charlie got married to Brooke Mueller a couple of years ago, and now Vince Vaughn looks set to do the same – he’s reportedly got engaged to real estate agent Kyla Weber. The LA Times reports:
We heard that Vaughn had dropped to one knee and presented her a $125,000, four-carat ring on Valentine?s Day. No word on when or where the two will get married. Rumors are that they met while vacationing in Venice, Calif., or in Italy, possibly through a movie producer friend of Vaughn?s.
It’s this attention to detail that’s made us fall in love with this story. Vince Vaughn and Kyla Weber met in Venice, California. Unless they met in Venice in Italy. Or the Venice in Louisiana. Or the at the lunchtime all you can eat pasta buffet at the Little Venice restaurant in Basingstoke. Or at a concert by the big-in-Holland band Venice. Or at a meeting with Dennis Pennis. But definitely one of those. And definitely almost a month ago.
But what is it about moviestars and real estate agents that make for such a perfect coupling, anyway? Is it the way that both jobs call for sincerity and dedication? The fact that they’re both involved in businesses where things cost several times more than they’re actually worth? Or the way that moviestars are both incredibly rich and massively gullible because they’ve never actually lived in the real world, a combination that’s irresistable to most real estate agents?
In the end, though, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that Vince Vaughn has, possibly for the first time in his life, fallen in love with someone who doesn’t constantly compare him to Brad Pitt or make him do a Tyler Durden voice when he talks to her on the phone or force him to pretend that he was in Meet Joe Black instead of the Psycho remake when he’s with her friends. And Vince Vaughn will almost definitely never have to go on Oprah to explain his relationship this time around.
And who knows? This engagement to Kyla Weber might even bring out a whole new side to Vince Vaughn. And if it’s a side that doesn’t spoil every single movie by babbling on like an unfunny stream-of-consciousness wiseguy, that’d be a wonderful bonus. Fingers crossed.