Victoria Beckham is having a baby and we’re supposed to give a flying fuck. No, we are. See, even though we won’t ever meet her, like anything she does or indeed, show even the vaguest flicker of interest in her vapid life, we must greet her new child with ticker tape. And hand grenades if you like.
We just don’t care.
We also don’t care that Posh Spice, which we’ll call her because it invariably irritates her, has asked stupid Eva Longoria to be the Godmother of her unborn daughter. A daughter that will, like all newborn babies, will look like a cross between a glans and a close-up of a tick.
Of course, we’re supposed to replace our own hopes and aspirations with Victoria’s need to have a female baby hacked out of her by a surgeon (you don’t think she’s actually willing to push the thing out do you?), and we must thank our lucky stars that she will be having a little girl, which she’ll parade around in a variety of expensive clothes like a chihuahua.
A friend of the couple – who already some stupid children with stupid names – said:
“Victoria ran it past David and they both want Eva. She’s extremely honoured.”
Not surprising really as Longoria’s life is now completely devoid of any joy after she got divorced from basketball star Tony Parker.
That’d be the Tony Parker who had a mobile phone filled with messages that saw Eva concluding that he’d been having it off with someone else, leaving her to announce the split via twitter, making Phil Collins’ Divorce By Fax’ look rather charming.
Monster.
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