Once described as looking like a fly on its hind legs, Victoria Beckham isn’t universally popular. She was everyone’s least favourite Spice Girl (and certainly the least talented… which is saying something) and generally, that woman with a face like a slapped arse who married David Beckham.
Has there ever been a photo taken of Victoria Beckham where she looks genuinely thrilled? We imagine it is difficult to look happy when you’re in possession of two eerie, hovering breasts and collarbones so protruding that you could hook a hanger on to dry your shirts.
And so, despite being consistently and astonishingly thin, it transpires that Victoria Beckham’s insides are still well-enough to carry a child as she announced that she’s pregnant again. Probably with a boy. BECAUSE THE BECKHAM’S ARE WEIRD CLONE MANUFACTURERS.
That’s right – Victoria husband David Beckham are expecting their fourth child, which is just wonderful news for the world’s photographers.
This latest addition will join the three existing Beckham spawn – Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz. We fully expect this new child to have an equally stupid name.
We’re hoping that they have already signed it up for a sponsorship deal so when it eventually gets cut out of Victoria (she’s not going to push it out, is she?), they can rely on their constantly motionless faces not to crack-up with laughter when they announce little Red Bull/Shockwaves/Big Mac to the world.
Victoria is really hoping she has a girl though. She told Vogue, with presumably a very, very bored face;
“Maybe one day another baby, but at this stage I think the chances of a girl are quite slim.”
That’s because the Beckham’s are massive freaks, unable to bring females into the world. Presumably, this is because David Beckham generates woman-hating sperm in that famous nutsack of his (which of course, holds those famous Jasper Carrot endorsed ‘goldenballs’ within).
Anyway, all the magazines and blogs are wishing the Beckham family well and mewing about how thrilled they are, which leaves us no option to be pathetic and sneering about the whole thing.
All that leaves us to say is that we sincerely look forward to hearing about Victoria’ s pregnancy induced hemorrhoids and cracked-nipples and David Beckham’s seemingly endless sleepless nights and the hiring of various attractive child minders.
Little baby Aftershave is going to be one helluva kid!
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