TV’s Shane Richie is NOT Worth £1.5 Million

Quids_inThe BBC has shown some of the good sense that has long eluded them and denied offering Shane Richie £1.5 million to stay at EastEnders.

Shane (Rags to) Richie (Books ) plays lovely-jubbly Alfie Moon in the BBC’s flagship soap opera. His Dick Van Dyke comedy Londoner manages to make even Pete Beale and his pet bodywarmer seem credible. When you consider that Richie was actually born in the capital, this is one hell of an indictment.

"Shane will be going at the end of the year to pursue other projects." commented a BBC spokesman on his future at the channel.

The kudos of winning Sexiest Leather Trenchcoat and Faded Jeans Combo Wearer must have gone to Richie’s head. He plans to ‘explore opportunities in Hollywood‘ and has "had meetings with US studio Dreamworks".

The mind boggles over just how badly Spielberg and co must want their cars washed. Richie can sing a bit though, which is fortunate as we predict he might soon be doing it for his supper.

To give Richie some due his movie debut Shoreditch did get a theatrical release in January this year – to some astoundingly poor reviews. The box office receipts eventually totalled up less than the price of a second-hand Kia supermini. And that’s about three grand if you shop around.

The demented mockney charmer needs to keeps positive though. Richie may have remortgaged his house to the tune of £500,000 to get Shoreditch off the ground, but at least it was actually reviewed at all. Never mind that it was complete and utter bilge.

"We will be leaving the door open for him to return." threatened the BBC spokesman with lingering menace.

Shane Richie, as sure as eggs is eggs, will be definitely be back in EastEnders before next winter (or thereabouts).

Of course, that’s assuming the damn thing’s still on the air by then.

[story by Chris Laverty]

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