Masturbation. After reading that headline, some of you are probably doing it right now. That’s fine, no-one’s judging you for that. What you do in an office full of people is your own business.
Regardless of your filthy, under-the-desk habits, you don’t often hear that celebrities like a good toss every now and then. Sure, we can assume. Some of the hecklerspray staff are obsessed with the idea of Ryan Gosling cracking off into a football sock but that’s neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is that celebs don’t orgasm unless it’s with one-another because it looks better on the front of glossy magazines.
Until now!
You wouldn’t have expected it from such an angel but N-Dubber Tulisa was embarrassed on Sunday when airport security asked her to deactivate a buzzing tool in her luggage. You’ll never guess what it was. It wasn’t Dappy. It was a “marital aid” and not just any “marital aid”, one of those “marital aids” with all the attachments that make it look like a vacuum cleaner.
Naturally, the singer, bon-viveur, X Factor judge and masturbation enthusiast was stunned into shamed silence by the offending implement but was quickly on the defensive on her twitter account claiming:
”I only bought it as a present for a mate, but the joke ended up on me.”
The classic excuse of a chronic masturbator/drug smuggler/handler of stolen goods. It seems that Tulisa was worried that people might judge her for her lonely cry for help having split up with that other git from N-Dubz in January. The judgement of the people was swift and without mercy with many branding the singer “a brazen hussy” or something to that effect.
She retorted:
?”Some of the people on my time line r goin on like nuns … jeeeeez live a little. #boreoff”
Now you need imagine no longer. Tulisa from N-Dubz likes to masturbate and there’s nothing wrong with that (unless you’re a nun). Or perhaps she’s telling the truth and it was just a present for a friend. Perhaps Tulisa likes to help her friends masturbate. Perhaps she’s a- wait… that’s another story.
Yet another story that just wouldn’t matter.