True Love is Dead: Katy Perry Dumped John Mayer

FKaty Perry John Mayerinally some good news in the world! Katy Perry has allegedly gotten sick of always playing second fiddle to John Mayer in her relationship with John Mayer and dumped his douchey ass. 

Now Katy’s little homage to her breakout single, “I Kissed a Girl” with Miley Cyrus last week makes a little more sense.  Although if I may say so, Katy, going from swapping spit with one whore to another isn’t exactly a real improvement.

Not even two weeks ago, Katy Perry and John Mayer were playing the stunt game once again, with Perry strutting around town on Valentine’s day with a diamond ring on her left hand.  Of course, they played the shock card when rumors swirled about them being engaged, like it’s the rest of the world being dumb for jumping to (totally planned) conclusions.  It was another instance showcasing how really annoying Katy Perry has gotten since she started hooking with Mayer.

But now, it looks like Perry has finally seen the asshole-free light, and has taken to skipping towards it.  Supposedly, she dumped John’s ass this past weekend, which makes this the best weekend ever for Perry. This weekend Katy also made an appearance at Miley Cyrus’ ratchet concert, where she exchanged a little mouth loving.  I am not sure if this happened after the breakup and she was trying to prove a point or make John jealous (which is impossible.  John Mayer only is jealous of John Mayer).  Or if Miley is just like a broken mirror, and she curses every couple she gets too close too (See Robin Thicke and Paula Patton).

Personally, and I am pretty sure I speak for the whole world here when I say this, if this turns out to be true then this is the smartest decision Katy has made since letting her song “Fireworks” be used in Madagascar 3.  However, I feel like I can’t get my hopes up that Perry has regained her senses until this is confirmed, which can either be done with a statement form their publicist, a passive aggressive “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”esq vague Tweet, or (and this is what I am seriously hoping for)  John Mayer will do one of his typical asshole interviews where he reminds us just why we should all hate him. Those are fun.

But on a more serious note, I have a very important message for all of you young 18-23 year olds out there- both Robin Thicke and John Mayer are single again.  Please, watch your vaginas very carefully.  This a dangerous world for all of you now.  Be safe.

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