It's that time of the week once more where you get texts from distant relatives and Facebook friends you decided it was acceptable to dole out your mobile number to.
They are texting you because they know that you will be slinking back to a cold flat alone after work and they want your Orange Wednesday so they can go to the cinema with their real friends. You might not be invited, but you're also not using it are you?
We know that you don't want to cry all night so we're going to let you watch some of the trailers for the films they might be watching this week then you can be part of the team (which you're not because as we all know there's no ?I? in team.)
You don't know anyone in real life that would go and watch George Lucas make a mockery of his already fairly ridiculous franchise.
However, you do know lots of people on the internet that are outraged by this 3D travesty.
Jar Jar Binks in 3D, just think!
We all noticed Ewan McGregor has a rat tail and we've all seen The Matrix here right? Good, moving on.
Remember Ronseal? Well it told you exactly what it did on the tin. Man On A Ledge is the Ronseal of the film industry and that's the only plot synopsis you're getting.
As far as everyone involved here is concerned you're five quid up because you just realised that you've now seen a slightly less attractive than usual Sam Worthington stood on a ledge while the rest of New York and Ed Harris?s horrible eyes throw a parade. They just love a parade in that city.
You thought you locked the doors and you thought you were safe, but then we brought this horrifying spectacle, peck dance included and streamed it live in your living room, the worst bit is that you clicked that link all by yourself.
Christ did you all see Michael Caine or did we just hallucinate that bit? ?The logistics of Michael Caine and The Rock being in a film together are the reason the phrase ?logistical nightmare? exists. It's fun to watch The Rock pretend he knows what ?emasculating? means and then that he is capable of that emotion.
All the moralistic and cultured members of the general public will probably be wanting to go and watch a film called Carnage by a man who can't go to America because he's wanted for almost definitely raping a 13-year-old girl many, many years ago; isn't voyeurism fantastic?
It's based on a play and is set entirely in one room where four ?adults? will deduce who is the best at throwing a hissy-fit. They?re obviously all obnoxiously good actors and they?ll be acting the pants off of this.
If you still feel like you're missing out then we do apologise, but we can only go so far to make your lonely existence fulfilling and entertaining. Have you tried ringing Samaritans?