Premiership footballers? Not exactly the most likeable bunch in the world, are they?
Never has failure been rewarded so richly than in the top flight of English football. Apart from maybe the banking sector ? but that’s a whole different story. They turn up for a few hours of training four days a week, play a match at the weekend and sometimes in midweek and earn a fortune doing it.
Sickening, isn’t it? Jealous? You bet we are.
You would not mind so much if they were any good at what they do, but the vast majority of teams in the Premiership are now populated by dross. And as for the England team ? don’t even get us started. The point is, with just about everything going for them, you would think they would appreciate how lucky they are.
Far from it ? in fact the vast majority spend most of their time whinging about one thing or another. Like, how terrible it is to be picking up only ?50,000 a week playing for a Champions League team.? Like, how you moved to a club in some northern outpost in England and was disgusted to find out that the women were ugly. Like, how terrible it is that we go out on a night out posing for the cameras with your celebrity girlfriend, only to find out the papers have some rather less-flattering photos of you with some tart you banged a couple of months ago which they would rather print instead.
Our advice to Premiership footballers ? shut up! Just shut up!
We have no interest in what you have to say or do other than questions such as, ‘did you really mean to elbow your opponent in the face?’, ‘do you think it’s right to dive for a penalty?’, and ‘are you a cheating, overpaid football mercenary?’ OK, rant over. Anyway, there are, of course, some footballers who go even beyond this.
Some players who fans love to hate. Sure, jealousy and bitter club rivalry play a big part, but there are some footballers who are simply horrible people. Arrogant, smug, violent, lying, cheating thugs. Here are our suggestions for the most hated.
Enjoy, and please send us your choices ? God knows- there is enough to choose from!
We feel a lot better now.
12. Didier Drogba ? Chelsea
How could someone who has the build of a heavyweight boxer fall down so easily? Plus, there was that girly slap he gave Manchester United defender Nemanja Vidic in the Champions League final. Even Chelsea fans are starting to see the light ? and that does not happen too often.
11. Kevin Davies – Bolton
Looks like a choirboy ? tackles like one which has been systematically abused for years by randy, violent and sweaty priests. If ever there was a footballer in need of some anger management, it’s Bolton ‘striker’ Davies.
10. Emmanuel Adebayor ? Manchester City
It’s never a good sign when even your own fans dislike you. Adebayor owed a lot to Arsenal and manager Arsene Wenger but still ended up swanning off to the first club to wave a wad of cash under his nose. To make matters worse, he is not as good as he thinks.
9. Wayne Rooney ? Manchester United
At least when Kevin Davies fouls someone, he usually gets booked for it. Granny whore lover Wayne Rooney, on the other hand, seems immune to censure ? despite the fact he spends most of the time hacking down players who had the audacity to take the ball off him and then the next 20 minutes whinging about it. The fact the lifelong Everton fan also likes to wind up the supporters who used to adore him also makes him a number one candidate to break into the top three very soon.
8. Joey Barton ? Newcastle (OK, not Premiership any more, but just wanted to vent some spleen)
Where do we start? Hopefully, the electric chair. Never has a small measure of footballing talent been wasted on such a worthless piece of human rubbish.
7. Lee Bowyer ? Birmingham City
Same as Barton ? only take out the reference to footballing talent.
6. Rio Ferdinand ? Manchester United
Undoubtedly talented ? but his show, when he ‘merked’ fellow members of England’s World Cup 2006 squad will live long in the realms of hell.
5. Emmanuel Eboue – Arsenal
Moan, moan, whine, whinge, moan? Just shut up and go.
4. El Hadj Diouf ? Blackburn
OK, so he’s a bit of a pantomime villain ? always winding up the opposition fans with his antics. But, then again, you don’t usually see Captain Hook spitting on the audience. Boooooooo!
3. Craig Bellamy ? Manchester City (Unless he has moved again)
Obviously a keen golfer – just ask John Arne Riise – how else can you explain his hunger to collect as many clubs as Ian Woosnam? Hated by pros and managers alike – and probably his own mother.
2. Cristiano Ronaldo ? ex-Manchester United
The little winker. Saved from top spot purely on the basis that he has some talent to back up his disgusting antics. Whether it is diving for a penalty or giving his team-mates a sly little wink after getting someone sent off, Ronaldo is a real number two.
1.??? Ashley Cole ? Chelsea
Can’t even bring ourselves to talk about him. Shudder.
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