Eva Longoria's husband Tony Parker is denying that cheated on his wife with French model Alexandra Paressant so strongly that he's suing X17 for $40 million over it.
X17 is the picture agency that first published reports – along with text messages apparently proving it – that Tony Parker had slept with Alexandra Paressant after meeting her for the first time at his own wedding, partly because he was fed up about Eva Longoria yammering on about how sperm gives you acne all the time. But Tony Parker denies having sex with – or even ever meeting – this model so strenuously that he's after $40 million in damages.
Incidentally, if $40 million is the going rate for not having sex with models that you've never met, then we've estimated that we're owed roughly all the money in the whole wide world. Cash is fine. Or a cheque. Or food. Scraps of food. We're so hungry. Anyone?
When you're married to someone like Eva Longoria, as Tony Parker is, there's no need to cheat. With Eva Longoria you get to see that legendary cameltoe in its actual size instead of blown up so huge that the cosmonauts can see it, plus you get to experience that world-famous irritating narcissistic rasp all day, every day, non-stop, all the time until the day you die. Why would you even bother looking elsewhere?
Tony Parker knows that you definitely wouldn't, not at all, especially with French models that he's never even met before. But that didn't stop X17's website from publishing an interview with French model Alexandra Paressant where she claimed to have had a two-month affair with Tony Parker that started when Thierry Henry introduced the pair at Tony's wedding and ended when she discovered he was cheating on her with a third woman.
Alexandra Paressant also claimed that Eva Longoria doesn't like having sex in front of a mirror and thinks sperm gives you acne. Which it apparently does, as a sperm expert told us.
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker have already denied these claims – about the affair, not the jizz-acne – but now Tony Parker has taken things one step further, by suing X17 for $40 million over it. In the lawsuit, Tony Parker claims he doesn't even know who Alexandra Paressant is:
"This is false. It never happened. And X17 had to know that the story was false, or, at the very least, it had to have entertained serious doubts about the credibility of its supposed source. No one from X17 attempted to contact Mr. Henry, who … would have told them in no uncertain terms that this woman was not at the wedding. If this woman exists, he has no way of knowing whether she is one of the many fans who have, from time to time, managed to obtain his cell phone number and called or left messages or who may have engaged him in conversation."
So Tony Parker must be fairly certain that he didn't have a two-month affair with a French model, in which case good for him. This blistering denial will only help to keep his marriage to Eva Longoria rock-solid, or at least as rock-solid as a marriage can be when your wife is a self-absorbed midget with a voice like a toy dog impersonating a machine gun.
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