Mission: Impossible III only came out a few weeks ago, but we've started to get Tom Cruise withdrawls. "Stop hiding away with your baby!" we've screamed into our clenched fist at 3AM, "Publicly say more dumb stuff instead!"
And the lord Xenu must have been listening, because Tom Cruise has been in Tokyo promoting the belated Asian release of Mission: Impossible III. Promoting it by telling everyone that he wants to wring 10 kids out of Katie Holmes while paraphrasing an old Whitney Houston record. Ah, Tom, we missed you.
Tom Cruise – that's Cruise The All-Powerful to you – doesn't care that some people thought that Mission: Impossible III fared disappointingly at the box office. Tom knows that it was a good movie and, besides, it still hasn't been released in every country yet. Japan, for instance, only had its Mission: Impossible III premiere this week. And where there's a premiere, there's promotin' to be doing.
We think we've stumbled across the sliding scale of importance that Tom Cruise awards to each country, judged by the level of effort he puts into promoting whatever film he happens to be starring in. Take America, for example. That's the primary market for Tom Cruise, so he'll start off with some low-level publicity, like maybe a stuntman with a burnt willy, then maybe ramp it up with a spot of multivehicular action around New York City followed by the big finish of the well-timed birth of your first-ever biological baby.
That's big, because America is a big market. For a smaller, less important market like Italy, Tom Cruise will just stand on a car and shout "I'm the craziest man in the world!" in front of a few people. Japan falls somewhere between the two, so Tom Cruise has to do some amount of showboating – like driving a speedboat to the premiere – and then get away with just making up a bit of hokey fluff about how much he loves his kids. Fluff like:
"I always wanted to be a father. I remember my whole life, I wanted to be a father. So I'm hoping maybe I have 10 children… It was the best Father's Day, I think you all know how, what a gift it is, children. I feel the responsibility of that, because they are the future. So I feel so overwhelmed with emotion at times when I look at my children, which I think we all know when you are looking at your own child you love so much."
Yeah, that'll do it. Still – does Katie Holmes know about this 10-kid deal, Tom? We're sure she won't mind too much. After all, it looks like you're never going to get married, so the Buff Brides course can take as long as it needs to. And also, 10 babies equals 10 delicious placentas, and who can say no to that?
Read more:
Tom Cruise wants 10 children – Herald Sun
[story by Stuart Heritage]