Tom Cruise Keeps it in the Scientology Family with Laura Prepon


I’m going to go ahead and file this under: I hope this shit isn’t true. Rumors have been swirling since November that Scientology’s golden boy, Tom Cruise, has been trying to negotiate a relationship contract with fellow Xenu lover, Laura Prepon. The rumors died down for a bit earlier this year, but guess what? Now they’re back!

After a series of high-profile relationships that ended terribly (because bitches be terrified of L. Ron Hubbard followers), I guess Tom finally decided his best bet would be to try and date someone who is into the same crazy shit he is. It’s like a sadist dating a masochist: it just makes sense!

Sources are saying that the two are trying to keep it super on the DL, but everyone on the set of her show, “Orange is the New Black”, knows all about it.

Laura Prepon has recently become a major woman crush of mine. I never found her to be that hot on “That 70’s Show”, but over the past couple of years (especially on OITNB) she has become a grade A mega babe. I used to think Tom Cruise was a grade A mega babe, but then the 90’s ended and now I just think he’s a grade A lunatic, so I kind of hope this romance isn’t real. Plus, remember what being Tom Cruise did to Katie Holmes career? EXACTLY.

Then again, who knows, maybe Laura Prepon is a secret crazy person. I mean, she is a Scientologist, and, not to be religiously insensitive, but those people creep me the fuck out.

In high school, I listed my religion as “Scientology” in my ICQ profile. My friend, Scott, asked me if I knew was Scientology was, and I said “It’s like the belief in science, right?” Then he explained to me what it really was and I deleted that shit from my profile ASAP.

I mean, this religion is based on a series of science fiction novels. The founder is a science fiction author! What kind of people would actually follow a religion based on some books you’d find in the fiction section of Barnes & Noble, AMIRITE?! (If anyone comments being like “omg, the Bible is a work of fiction you idiot”, because apparently some people don’t get my sarcasm, I am going to eye roll myself into fucking oblivion).