We caught up with Frankie Boyle – the Scottish one from Mock The Week who recently had a joke about the Queen’s genitals read out on Newsnight – for an impromptu question and answer session…
How did it feel winning the best director Oscar for Slumdog Millionaire?
I've met Danny Boyle actually. He has a glowing niceness that extremely successful people have. It?d be nice to get there…
At what temperature does Frankie boil?
I'm pale and Scottish so I'd say around 20 degrees.
Do you believe that chivalry is dead?
Not with me. Particularly with women. I am always rescuing women in distress and Serbian sex traders. The sex is good.
Do you think you should send Kerry Katona a royalty cheque for all the material you've got out of her?
I find her a bit sad actually, a bit tragic. On the other hand… she is a large, slow-moving gag target!
Does it ever disconcert you that Andy Parsons looks like a midget version of Ming The Merciless?
(Laughs) Andy looks more like Pingu?s friend, Seymour the Seal.
What's it like going through life knowing that Garry Bushell adores you?
I take love where I can find it. I see him as an Obi-Wan figure.
Are you really retiring soon?
Yep, I'll stop performing at the end of 2010.
A fan of yours described you as an ?evil genius?. What kind of animal would you keep beside you and who do you elect as your sidekick?
I think the term ?genius? is overused. I'm not a genius and what I do is not that difficult. Anyway, I would elect a huge drunken monkey wearing a suit!
Did you find it difficult to give up alcohol?
Not difficult, just boring. My days were really empty and I had 10 hours of nothing to do.
How do you celebrate?
Viagra!
How did you get into comedy?
I was funny when I was at school and it was one of the few ways I could relate to women… I hate performing and felt totally nervous for the first eight years. I was lazy and I needed the fear to motivate me. Fear is something that you never get over live.
How did you find the confidence to perform stand-up?
I don't think it is confidence. We live in a society where confidence is really highly rated but I think a good comedian is someone who can create intimacy with their audience.
You once said you would like to make a show in the UK like the Daily Show in the US. Any plans?
I would love to do that but I don't think it would get commissioned. British people are not engaged enough with the idea that we should be engaged with politics. They?re more likely to say ?Fuck this, why should we be interested?? I ended up on panel shows by accident really.
Is it true you've only received one piece of hate-mail?
I think it's two letters actually…. but I think they were written by the same guy! I think the second letter was the first guy posing as a group of girls.
You've previously commented about not needing the validation of the audience. Do you care what people think?
Not really… Maybe ….I only care what women think.
Does censorship frustrate you?
Yes. I've done episodes of Mock the Week that were entirely censored. The BBC think the public can't handle certain debates but blatant censorship is propaganda on some level. I think the British public are so much more broad minded than you would imagine by looking at the media.
What do you do with material that gets no laughs?
I hate to give up on a joke. (From show to show) it's weird how universally people react.
What do you make of the Daily Mail getting work up over your joke about the Queen?s pussy being haunted?
I said that in 2007 and if her pussy wasn?t haunted then… it sure is now.
What will it be like to be a boundary-pushing comedian working for the BBC now that everyone's waiting for another moral outrage?
I welcome it.