by Stuart Heritage
Note to self: Never, ever say anything bad about people from Liverpool.
Because if you do end up saying something bad about people from Liverpool, people from Liverpool will literally cut your head off. It’s true – they’ve just cut Ringo Starr’s head off.
Alright, at this point we should probably point out that it was only the topiary head of a topiary Ringo Starr that was chopped off, thanks to some vaguely anti-Liverpool comments Ringo made in January. But it’s still a shock, because the topiary Ringo Starr was about five or six times better at singing and drumming than the flesh and blood one.
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by Stuart Heritage
Yes, we know we’ve already used the video to Ringo Starr’s new single Liverpool 8 in another post, but it’s so awful we’ve become obsessed with it. Actually obsessed, like that bloke from Zodiac.
Seriously, just watch Liverpool 8. It’s so completely, utterly, unspeakably terrible that we’re not even sure a human being could be responsible for it, let alone Ringo Starr. Everything about Liverpool 8 is horrific, from the tune to the vocals to the preposterously banal lyrics. Liverpool 8 is so bad that past civilisations would have put Ringo Starr to death for making it.
You get a sense of just how woeful Liverpool 8′s going to be from the moment that Ringo blathers “I was a sailor first/ I sailed the sea,” just to clarify what sailors actually do for those who maybe thought they varnished fossils for a living. And then it gets worse. Liverpool 8, you see, is basically The History Of The Beatles By Ringo Starr. And what insights do we get from one of the two remaining people on Earth with first-hand experience of what it was like to be in the biggest band in history? “We were number one/ Man it was fun,” that’s what. So that’s that cleared up for eternity, then.
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