But despite being so rubbish and boring that it'd be more fun to watch a TV show about a static eggcup full of gravel from Norfolk, Sooty is back! Puppeteer Richard Cadell has just bought the rights to Sooty from Hit Entertainment for close to a million pounds.

Now comes the real problem – Cadell needs to try and work out how to update Sooty and make him relevant for today's sophisticated youth. Though, just to clear things up, Sooty's Real Life Pub Car Park Knife Fights was our idea first. Don't be copying us, Cadell.

Exactly how did Sooty get to be so popular? We genuinely can't understand it – a mute, bright yellow double amputee bear with a Hitler moustache who lives in a box, whispers commands to his human slaves and exacts violent revenge on his enemies with sorcery? That's not entertainment, that's a nightmarish punishment.

Despite this – and despite having a catchphrase of "Bye bye everybody, bye bye" intoned in such a startlingly sinister way that it may as well be "I'm coming round your house to touch you in your sleep, children" – Sooty has become a national institution. We just don't get it.

However, Sooty's fallen on hard times lately. After Sooty's previous owner Matthew Corbett retired to devote more time to his creepy beard in 1998, things dried up a little. Sooty was sold to megacorporation Hit Entertainment, but he couldn't recapture his glory years and, as such, no new Sooty shows have been made for four years.

That could all be about to change though, because Richard Cadell – the man who has operated Sooty since Corbett's retirement – has just bought the rights to Sooty and his friends from Hit Entertainment, presumably with funds raised by selling his extensive collection of hair straighteners, and is about to go it alone. The Guardian reports:

Richard Cadell, who has presented the TV show featuring the much loved children's character for 10 years, has teamed up with his brother to buy the rights to Sooty. Matthew Corbett backed Cadell's buyout. "I am delighted that Sooty is in, or should I say on, the right hands. Richard Cadell is as close to a Corbett as you can get and we are very confident that he will give Sooty the love and attention that he deserves."

And now that he's spent almost a million pounds on what's essentially a scrap of yellow fabric in a box, Richard Cadell is going to make damn sure that Sooty starts earning. He's already set up a touring stage show – much like the Elvis 1968 Comeback Special, where Sooty will be dressed in leather and perform old classics like 'Sooty hilariously squirts his owner with a water pistol' from within a boxing ring – but that's not all.

In addition, Richard Cadell has proposed three new Sooty TV shows – a studio-based variety show, a sitcom and a pre-school gameshow. But will these be a success? Today's children have been raised on a diet of Sex And The City, Call Of Duty 4 and hanging round Bluewater intimidating the elderly – can Sooty still cut it?

Let's hope so – we don't want to see him going the way of Edd The Duck. We hear you've been able to find him giving handjobs to businessmen for crack outside King's Cross ever since his bubble burst in the mid-nineties.

So we have nothing but respect for the family and former manager of Ray Charles, who managed to remain peaceful and amicable until he was long-dead, completely cold and probably quite rotten, and then they started having bitter, distasteful fights about his possessions.

Ray Charles’ 12 children have accused manager Joe Adams of tarnishing their father’s memory by releasing two Ray Charles albums posthumously that Ray would have never approved. We’re not so sure about that – Ray Charles Sings The Hits Of Emma Bunton and Ray Charles Mumbles To Himself About His Slippers have always been long-time favourites of ours.

When Ray Charles died, he went out with a bang. Not literally, of course – people didn’t drag Ray Charles onto a beach, stuff him full of dynamite and explode him like a whale or anything – but he made sure he went out at the height of his powers.

The last album Ray Charles made, Genius Loves Company, won eight Grammys and the film about his life that was made as he was dying, Ray, won two Oscars. So between that – and the money that Ray Charles accumulated in the 53 years since his first recording, you’d think that everyone would be happy with their inheritance.

Not a chance. The 12 children that Ray Charles fathered by nine women have all got the hump with Ray Charles’ manager Joe Adams. And that’s either because Joe Adams has systematically mismanaged Ray Charles’ estate since his death in 2004 or because they’re pissed off that Ray didn’t leave them a bunch more money in his will and they’re lashing out. Who knows? Either way, as The Associated Press reports, now the FBI is getting involved and all sorts:

Ray Charles’ children are accusing his longtime manager of mismanaging his estate and trusts and tarnishing his legacy by releasing two posthumous CDs the late singer never would have approved, according to a published report. In allegations outlined Sunday in the Los Angeles Times, several of Charles’ 12 children accused Joe Adams of holding too much power over Ray Charles Enterprises and the Ray Charles Foundation and excluding them from business dealings. They’re seeking a formal investigation and audit looking into their father’s estate, trusts and foundation for possible wrongdoing.

According to these allegations, Ray Charles’ kids all received $500,000 each in his will, along with a woolly-worded hint about possibly getting more “down the line.” Meanwhile Joe Adams – who’d been Ray Charles’ manager since 1961 – didn’t receive anything in the will, but he stayed in charge of all the business rights.

What this scrap boils down to, essentially, is the Ray Charles’ image rights. No mention of it was made in the will and the children are trying to gain control over it. Should they win, this row will disappear instantly and everything will go back to normal.

OK, that’s a lie – what we expect will actually happen is there’ll be a bunch of new lawsuits between the various children about how Ray Charles’ image gets used. For instance, one of them will probably want to remaster his back catalogue for iTunes, another will want to make a Ray Charles museum complete with lucrative giftshop, another will want to make a Hammer Man-style Saturday morning cartoon about Ray Charles’ adventures fighting crime and another will want to sell out old Ray Charles songs for the remix album Ray Charles Says: Poop Poop! All Aboard The Vengaboys Express!

All of which we’d be OK with, incidentally. Except the museum one. Ugh.

Read more:

Ray Charles’ children, ex-manager battle – AP