Music lovers the world over were last Friday celebrating the news that Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson had decided not to release his forthcoming new album “Black Magic” due to an unspecified spat with his record company Interscope.

In a cruel reversal of fortune for anyone with ears and a brain, Jackson (we’re not going to dignify the whole “50 Cent” thing, much less “Fiddy”) has now announced that he has “begun to resolve” the problems so it looks like the globe will yet again be gifted with another turgid 45 minutes of monosyllabic mumbling and barely-concealed misogynism.

The big mystery is what sparked the whole thing off in the first place. We investigate…

Jackson, who has as many facial expressions as he has tones of voice – honestly, do a google image search, he always looks like he is struggling with a particularly vexing Countdown conundrum – threw his rattle out of his pram via twitter, as is the fashion these days.

Rumours that it was due to an executive suggesting that naming an album after a brand of chocolates last popular in the nineteen-eighties are unconfirmed at time of publication.

Jackson’s twitter updates on the subject are sadly about as clear as his vocal enunciation:

“Ok I tried to be cool with my record company. I went to the meeting talk to everyone and s**t feels like there moving in slow motion (sic),”

Not many clues there.

“I’m sorry to announce I will not be releasing a new album this year if we don’t get on the same page. I would rather not launch my album without a plan the whole system is executing.”

Not much better. “A plan the whole system is executing”? Really. What?

“I don’t know why they play with me. They know how I get. My whole career I’ve been doing s**t and they have been playing catch up. This is the last f**king album. THEY BETTER WAKE UP AND WORK.”

We’ll agree that he HAS been doing shit his whole career but he shouldn’t be so down on himself. It’s a big marketplace, not everyone can be talented.

Basically it all sounds like a massively girly hissy fit, with Jackson being unhappy with the rate of progress and deciding the best way to speed it all up was by cancelling the whole thing and refusing to play anymore, like a great big bellend.

Again, reports of renaming the album to the more popular “Milk Tray” brand of chocolates are unsubstantiated.

No official release date has been set. So there is hope.

Oh and he’s also writing a book, adding ‘poor writer’ to his personal credits that also include ‘dreadful actor’, ‘appalling musician’ and ‘video game character more convincing than the human it was based on’.

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We don’t really need to explain this one to you. Suffice to say: get ready for the esteem with which you may hold the human race to drop a notch.

As we all know, the main characters in Sex And The City reflect the four distinct groups that all women fall into – the slut, the conservative prude, the shoe-obsessed former star of Flight of The Navigator and the ginger lesbian. But which are you?

It’s difficult, isn’t it? So thank your lucky stars that OSOYOU has come up with a nifty little Sex And The City quiz to determine exactly which SATC character you are. Over the course of a handful of multiple choice questions, the quiz will calculate your entire personality and tell you precisely which Sex And The City character you most resemble.

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Plus, once you’ve completed the quiz you can enter into a free draw to attend a celebrity screening of Sex And The City and get your hands on a Sex And The City desktop wallpaper. You can’t really say fairer than that.

Turns out we’re Miranda, by the way. We’re pretty sure that’s the booby-prize.

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Sex And The City quiz – OSOYOU