Did Kanye sip his lemonade without any problems whilst sitting in the corner of the VIP area? Don’t be daft, something went tits up of course.

It seems that Kanye West has a recurring problems with people who like to take people’s pictures. Granted they may get in the way and stop you from doing day-to-day activities such as getting some milk and waiting for a plane, but never mind. In the Tup Tup Palace nightclub – a place that doesn’t exactly scream class – a member of the paparazzi elite got to close to Kanye and ended up getting his face busted up. Was it Kanye’s fault? Of course not, and he’s explained why in a (nother) big pissy blog rant.

We all remember Kanye West getting a bit angry and throwing a Hulk-like strop in an airport a few months ago. Sadly he didn’t turn green and grow into an enormous beast, but instead smashed up a camera and then attempted to do the same to someone filming the whole incident. Silly Kanye. In Newcastle the same thing appeared to have happened again where Kanye West + paparazzi = rubbish fight and pointless conflict.

Thrown into the cells for a night to talk to the local heroin addicts, Kanye West emerged with no charge and sadly won’t have to turn up to Newcastle magistrates court for a hearing and a fine of £30. Not letting the incident lie, he of course had a big cry about the event for his minions to read. No doubt they will side with Kanye and spit at all the haters who diss their homeboy.

Choice quotes from his blog include:

“Let us not forget the paps killed Princess Diana. When will there be a law passed that simply enforces that someone has to ask to take a photograph of you? That would seem like common courtesy. Right now the paps are above the law and the people they shoot are below it.”

“I put my hand up to the camera in self-defence! Here’s what happened…when I left the club, I was encountered by a thirsty paparazzi as usual. He felt he had more rights to my space than me, so I put my hand up to prevent him from taking my image.”

“I didn’t assault him but merely putting my hand up to cover his lens. My security yelled, ‘get the camera off him’. I guess in all the commotion the camera scraped his nose.”

Ok – A) If the photographer was thirsty, why didn’t Kanye West offer him a rum and coke or a good old English pint of imported lager? B) Only Elton John can bang on about Princess Diana. It’s the law. C) Of course he didn’t assault any photographers. Kanye said so.

With this incident happening in Newcastle, it will no doubt go down in Geordie folklaw as one of the major things to have happened in the city alongside inventing Newcastle Brown Ale, Stottie bread, getting electricity a few years ago and finally converting from horse and cart to automobile.

Fact two: The Carling Academy are bastards for charging nearly six quid for two shots of vodka.

Fact three: Elbow are the most underrated band in the UK.  

With four albums under their belt, Elbow took their latest offering, The Seldom Seen Kid, on the road to showcase a few of the brilliant tracks that are featured on it, alongside mixing in a few older hits.

While talking to a friend who worked at the bar, she uttered the words “I’ve been told there like one of those miserable Radiohead-style bands, so I knew you’d be here tonight.”

Hmm, great that our music tastes have been pinned down, but slightly wrong about Elbow being the soundtrack to a suicidal cult's last few hours on earth.

After arriving to the venue, it did seem a bit quieter then expected. Maybe the locals were off celebrating the afternoon football result, or more than likely, they were going out on the lash.

It was a Saturday night after all. And this gig, in particular, was moved forward to a very early 6.30pm start. As soon as we’d got our first overpriced drink of the night, we wandered towards the front of the stage in anticipation for the support act to come on.

Two Gallants are one of those bands we’d cover on our badly-maintained Myspace Trawl feature. They’ve been around for a few years, made three albums, toured like fuck and released EPs and singles on top of their albums.

As this San Francisco two-piece gingerly walked on to stage, it was almost like one of The Muppets had come to life. Honestly, the drummer was a spitting image of Animal. And just like his puppet counterpart, he was smashing the hell out of his cymbals and drums. Their melodic mix of bluesy folk music was the right sound to warm up the crowd for the main attraction of the evening.

As the band left the stage, it was only sodden 7.45pm. The venue, obviously keen to get everyone out so they could lure in all the indie kids for the repetitive club night, quickly got the roadies to set up shop for Elbow. It all looked like the standard band affair: racks of guitars, drums pushed to the back and all sort of rickety-looking keyboards lining the stage.

But, interestingly, three chairs at the back had also been set up. And when Elbow graced the stage at roughly 8.15pm, it all became apparent.

The set’s opener and first song of the new album, Starlings, featured heavily on a string and brass section. While the band provided the brass part, three ladies who stayed put for the majority of the night, added a layer of music to the night.

While it could be easily added in off a backing track, it made the night feel a lot more realistic. Adding to the fact that all three were frantically looking at sheet music all night, they didn’t seem to have much preparation time for the gig.

Throughout the night, front man Guy Garvey was in high sprits. He frequently asked the crowd how they were doing and told tales of how all the band lost on the Grand National that day. Well that is, apart from the drummer.

Tonight’s set was a mixture of new material and classics that oddly haven’t quite captured the attention of a mainstream audience. New single Grounds For Divorce is such a song. With its catchy guitar riffs and snarling lyrics, its limited success mirrors other hits such as the brilliant Powder Blue, Grace Under Pressure and Mexican Standoff. Tracks that we're all played tonight.

However, the highlight of tonight’s show was the welcome of Richard Hawley on stage. Another apparent miserable bastard from Sheffield, his appearance on stage was a definite surprise. Introduced as a song about horse racing and the apparent fixing that goes on, amazingly called The Fix, he announced that Hawley couldn’t make it, of course before admitting he was lying. He played that song before darting of stage, but later returning for the classic Elbow track, Grace Under Pressure.

Tonight’s show was anything but miserable, with singing, laughter and crap dancing. It was a much better night on the town for a Saturday then watching a gaggle of women falling over pissed in the street.

It's been reported that Meat Loaf has quit music forever, and this is something he apparently decided mid-show in Newcastle on Wednesday night. Mid-song, in fact – as the opening bars to Paradise By The Dashboard Light kicked in, Meat Loaf suddenly decided that he couldn't be bothered to sing for a living any more and trudged offstage. Sure, Meat Loaf's apparent breakdown might sound a little worrying, but if he really has quit music then maybe he can start to concentrate on acting again – and who doesn't want to see more films about man-titted Meat Loaf punching people in a cellar?

Everyone, if they're honest, has asked themselves "why am I doing this?" at one point or another, whether it's about work, a relationship or three seconds after you've just paid for cinema tickets to see Rendition. But Meat Loaf is a larger than life chap, so when he questions his future, he is sure to do it in front of 11,000 confused Geordies who just want to hear Meat Loaf belt out Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are or any other of his identikit blustery songs without spazzing out in the middle bit.

Sadly, though, Meat Loaf couldn't meet those obligations on Wednesday night. Perhaps it was the breathtaking natural beauty of local attraction Jesmond Dene, or the knowledge that he was just a short distance away from the UK's first biotechnology village, or just the fact he was singing ridiculously overblown power-ballad after ridiculously overblown power-ballad to 11,000 powerfully drunk northerners and their nearly-nude Spuggie-alike girlfriends – but something caused Meat Loaf to lose control of his senses.

According to witnesses, Meat Loaf, who had been struggling to hit notes and launching into rambling emotional, if irrelevant, stories between songs, suddenly told the crowd that he would never perform another concert in his life during the opening bars of Paradise By The Dashboard Lights, and then walked offstage into the arms of some St John's Ambulance workers. Or, as Meat Loaf audience member Phil Cammish told The Times:

“[Meat Loaf] started saying ‘This is my last ever gig, this is my last ever song. Thanks for 30 years, I can’t do this anymore’… I saw a man dressed up as Meat Loaf weeping on the steps. Everyone during the gig was commenting that they thought he was plastered. He kept having emotional talks during the gig and telling stories about his children and slurring his words. He was saying things that had nothing to do with the gig. His backing singers had to carry him through most of the songs. He couldn’t finish some of his hits.”

But is this really the end of Meat Loaf's musical career? At the moment nobody knows – Meat Loaf is scheduled to perform at the NEC Arena tonight, but there's still no word about whether the show is still going ahead. Although if Newcastle was too depressing for Meat Loaf we wouldn't hold much hope of seeing him turn up in Birmingham any time soon.

But let's look on the bright side of things here. Although we hope that Meat Loaf is OK, it's heartening to see that a career of frightening egotism, disproportionately bombastic soft-rock anthems and adoration from denim-wearing older ladies with giant permed hair and a fondness for professional wrestling will only end in an embarrassing onstage breakdown.

Because, you know, we've got Rhydian from X Factor earmarked for one of these babies before the year is out.