It’s good to be writing trash about Lindsay Lohan again. For a moment, it looked like she was going to start being well-behaved and no-one wants that. Premature death, arrest, drug-use – all those things are fine. Being a goodytwoshoes? Who cares?

And since she got her ankle tag off, she’s been doing a nudie photoshoot for Playboy, which is thrilling for all concerned.

Better yet, is that some scamp has decided to leak the cover which features Lohan and her boobies are there and a red chair and… why don’t you see for yourself over the jump?

The rabble-rousing actress was last on these pages as a potential sex-toy (click here for more on the LiLdo) and now she’s going to be the affections of a million trouser botherers.

On the cover, you’ll see LiLo straddling a Playboy bunny shaped chair, with her long, flowing breasts all there, complete with black heels.

Remember folks. If you insist on wearing footwear when naked, never EVER let the things on your feet be white tube socks, okay?

Anyway, it is widely rumoured that Lohan was paid $1 million for the shoot and it was going to be revealed – remarkably – on the Ellen DeGeneres show on December 15th.

We’ll show it off instead.

Of course, we’re too thick to actually hack an account and leak something. A random internet search showed these people showing it off. They’re one of many. So if anyone is thinking of suing us, go see the Metro newspaper first eh? No-one actually enjoys reading that, so go book ‘em Danno!

Speaking about the snaps, which appear in the January/February issue of the magazine, Hefner spoke about the inspiration behind the shots.

“It’s a classic tribute, inspired by the original Tom Kelley nude pictorial of Marilyn Monroe. [It's] classy, very classy”

“It turned out very well. I would say that I had some reservations early on, but after a couple of false steps, everybody came on board and it’s going to be very exciting”

Marilyn Monroe? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. We’re sick of the bloody sight of her.

You’re about to read an article that does not feature a picture of Taylor Swift with her boobies out. Sure, there IS a picture of what APPEARS to be Taylor Swift with her boobies out, but you’re imagining it.

Got that?

So the leaked picture which is over the jump is totally a figment of your imagination AND Taylor Swift is suing people about this picture which she says isn’t her. But she’s suing all the same. Of course, the image is NSFW. And no is it Taylor Swift. Definitely not.

The girl in the photograph has a striking resemblance to the singer, don’t you think?

Close enough for Taylor Swift to sue for defamation of character? Swift has apparently instructed her lawyers to demand that the photo is taken down from the site and that she’ll sue CelebJihad for trademark infringement (the site breaking the story) if they don’t comply.

Even though the picture is NOT of Taylor Swift with her boobies out. Definitely not. Nope.

Okay?

Now, here’s the picture of a complete stranger that you’ve never heard of. Okay? Good. Right.

[photo via CelebJihad]

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Hey! Hollywood! Well done! You’ve done well by pointing out that some actresses are much prettier than others. Bless you for that. We really didn’t know who to approach the whole thing and you went and said.

Just like that. You just came right out and spoke without a care in the world.

Basically, you went and said that Scarlett Johansson was far too beautiful to play the role of Lisbeth Salander in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo films. The girl playing her now? She must be thrilled and all set to burn those self-shot pictures she was going to leak all by herself, now that hacker is in prison.

David Fincher, talking to Vogue, begged for pity when describing the difficult casting process for Salander, and how girls were flown in from across the globe for the part.

How awful. It’s like working in a flooded mine.

He said Johansson was “great,” but alas:

“The thing with Scarlett is, you can’t wait for her to take her clothes off.”

Would you look at that statement. He just opened his mouth and out it came. Scarlett, you’re great and all, but just shut up and show us your boobs.

Fincher elaborated:

“I keep trying to explain this. Salander should be like E.T. If you put E.T. dolls out before anyone had seen the movie, they would say, ‘What is this little squishy thing?’ Well, you know what? When he hides under the table and he grabs the Reese’s Pieces, you love him! It has to be like that.”

And so, Rooney Mara is the lucky gal who Fincher wants to keep her clothes well and truly on because he fancies Johansson more and that she reminds him of a red-fingered alien.

Brilliant.

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Isn’t it great to see a superstar in an unguarded moment. They only let us see what they want us to see or generally portray themselves as something other than the real them entirely. Just like everyone, really.

However, these people are famous and more attractive and generally nicer to gawp at than Flubbo down the street with his roll-ups, carrier bags and back boobs.

And so, Florida’s Chris Chaney lightened up our days by hacking into celebrity email accounts and stealing naked pictures that they’d taken of themselves (to share with other people because, and this is nice to know, they’re all just as sexually needy as we, the people, and still need to impress people with self-shot nudey snaps) and giving them to us. And now he’d like to say sorry.

Jacksonville’s Chaney was arrested and charged on Wednesday following a year-long FBI investigation in the amusingly named Operation Hackerazzi.

The images he found, some ended up on our monitors. You’ll remember the nudes of Scarlett Johansson and the kinda nudes of Christina Aguilera. Of course, we’re more interested in the ones that he didn’t leak. Yet. Come on Chano! You must’ve left the snaps with some other ne’er-do-well who wants to leak them?

Chaney faces 26 separate charges of accessing and damaging computers, identity theft and wiretapping which could result in 121 years in prison if found guilty on all charges.

Phew. All that for some boobs.

He admitted his guilt to journalists in Florida, saying:

“It started as curiosity and it turned into just being addicted to seeing behind the scenes of the lives of the people you see on the big screen every day.”

Chaney didn’t want to blackmail any slebs, nor indeed did he sell his pictures. He simply liked doing it. He liked making celebrities miserable (while simultaneously sending their profiles into the stratosphere) and us dribbling fools happy with n00dz.

“I deeply apologise. I know what I did was probably one of the worst invasions of privacy… I know it was wrong and have to face it and go forward.”

Mr Chaney allegedly used several online aliases, including “anonygrrl” and “jaxjaguars911″ which you should now go and stick into Google to see what comes up. Or indeed, try and hack his emails, as it must be an absolute goldmine!

Okay? Good.

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Remember when we all saw Scarlett Johansson naked? Remember? And the internet melted? That was a fun time wasn’t it? Of course, we broke the story before anyone else and no-one noticed and we’re totally not bitter about it. At all. Nope. We don’t keep going over it in our head.

We’ll murder someone for this.

Anyway, friend of hecklerspray, Christopher Chaney from Jacksonville Florida, has been arrested as part of a year long investigation of celebrity hacking called Operation Hackerazzi. Great name for an operation. We would’ve called it Operation Celebritits. Either way, arrests have been made! WAHOO! AND IT WASN’T US GETTING CUFFED!

Naturally, we weren’t arrested because we don’t know the first thing about hacking. In fact, we barely know how to work our Nokia phones. We’ve heard there’s this game called ‘Snake’ on it which is really cool.

Alas, it seems Chaney does and he’s been accused of 26 counts of identity theft, unauthorised access to a protected computer and wiretapping.

While that all sounds incredibly thrilling (wiretapping? Come on! That’s Soviet spy business!), Chaney will be gulping away, looking down the barrel of a not-so-hilarious 121 years in prison.

And all because he wanted to share the glory of the naked human form with us all.

Authorities said Chaney was responsible for stealing nude photos taken by actress Scarlett Johansson of herself and that, he had more than 50 victims, which include Mila Kunis and Renee Olstead as well as singer Christina Aguilera.

Sorry ladies and gay men. No news on Justin Timberlake nudes as yet.

The Feds say that those named agreed to have their identities made public while others in the indictment were named only by their initials. We haven’t seen their initials as yet. When we do, we’ll speculate like mad.

He is accused of offering some material to celebrity blog sites but there is no evidence that he profited from his scheme, according to Steven Martinez, assistant director in charge of the FBI’s Los Angeles office.

Yo! Chaney! Hit us up with some more pictures!

PWEEEASE.

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Do you want to see leaked (by us) naked photosets of the hecklerspray writers? Of course you don’t. Collectively, we look like the melted waxwork tit of a gentleman pensioner. Firm, young, attractive celebrities are a different matter of course!

So when Scarlett Johansson accidentally ended up showing everyone more than intended, everyone exploded with excitement for three seconds before realising that seeing an actress in a state of undress isn’t at all peculiar.

Maybe it was catching her in a candid moment, naked as herself rather than a character, that got people wanting to ogle. Either way, she wasn’t happy and now, for the first time, she’s talking about it all. With her boobs out.

The FBI are apparently investigating claims of computer hacking, following the leaking of naked photos of various famous people. They talked to Team Spray, but no action will be taken against us because, after 30 seconds of talking to us, they realised we can barely work our own legs, let alone the technology needed to hack into someone’s phone or emails.

In an interview with CNN, Johansson said:

“Just because you’re an actor… doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to your own personal privacy”

“If that is sieged in some way, it feels unjust. It feels wrong”

But CNN wasn’t listening properly. They were thinking about Scarlett’s boobies and bum-bum.

She continued:

“I think there are certain instances where you give a lot of yourself and finally you have to kind of put your foot down’.”

Naked boob shaped feet, preferably.

Of course, now that we’ve seen Johansson in a state of nudlery, we’ve all moved on. She can feel as invaded as she likes because all eyes are now on Justin Timberlake and his Friends With Benefits co-star Mila Kunis.

Apparently there’s naked pictures of those two about to drop and… well… that’s a treat for everyone with working eyeballs.

Unless of course you’re an Irish farmer who HATES nudity.

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Filth. Absolute filth. That’s what today’s celebrities are. You wouldn’t get old, classy celebrities like Marilyn Monroe posing naked for photographs would you? Certainly not. She had self-respect.

However, thanks to the wonderful technological advances of mobile phones and those cameras they’ve got built into them, we are now a planet of people capturing their nether-regions and sending them to other humans.

Celebs are no different… apart from the small fact that people want to hack into their phones and share them with the world. So which leaked celebrity n00dz are the best? Click over the jump where it is astonishingly NSFW.

You can’t move for naked celebrities, leaked or otherwise. The advent of the sex tape has added a whole other element to the voyeuristic nature of watching the lives of famous people.

For the first time, it feels like we can peer behind their bedroom doors and watch them at it. Even Sally from Home And Away has been caught out bumping uglies on a very noisy waterbed.

However, we need to place some kind of arbitrary importance on these photographs because, lets face it, some people get private images leaked and after we’ve stopped gawping at their flesh, we wonder who the hell they are.

And so, here are the 12 most ‘important’ or ‘best’ leaked celebrity photos.

And no, thanks to the British law, we haven’t included Dappy from N Dubz, although if you want to look at his long, thin member, we’re pretty sure you can find it online easily enough.

Renee Olstead

You may not have heard of Renee Olstead, but she’s a singer and actress. She makes this list because she’s the first celebrity to actually put a little effort into her nudey snaps. Leaked last March, Olstead went from being a kinda-nobody to a woman who everyone admired, albeit briefly. You can see her VERY NSFW snaps here.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton had her phone hacked and pretty much invented the notion of a sleb becoming famous on the back of leaked photos… and of course, videos.

Ke$ha

Possibly the first time in history when pictures leaked of a celebrity and everyone actively wished they hadn’t seen them. Ke$ha appeared covered in someone’s love-gravy and everyone felt a little nauseous.

Hayley Williams

There’s something about rappers, RnB and pop singers that make you assume they’re dirty swine. However, delicate emo flowers like Paramore singer Hayley Williams was a little more surprising when she “accidentally tweeted” her boobies to everyone.

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera went from being unattainably famous to a National Anthem forgetting, nude drunk in the space of a week. Here’s one of the leaked pictures.

Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa Hudgens, star of High School Musical, became the classic ‘teen star’ who was sullied by having a life outside the squeaky-clean bubble of Disney. There’s a naked video floating around which allegedly features Hudgens too. Happy hunting.

Chris Brown

Chris Brown is one of the few celebrities who was reportedly unfazed by the leaking of naked photos of him. This is either because he’s got a big appendage or he’s unable to form a sense of shame, as shown when he continually forgot to show remorse for smacking Rihanna in the face.

Rihanna

Speaking of Rihanna, she had naked photographs leaked too. Did they contribute to the incident with Chris Brown? Rumours suggest as such, not that you lot care.

Kanye West

Apparently, Kanye was always sending pictures of himself to the ladies before he became gigantically famous. And here he is, showing of his Monster.

Miley Cyrus

Miley was only of interest to pre-teens, but then, after the leaking of some pictures, she transformed into an actual celebrity. Sure, no-one really knows what she does anymore, but these pictures helped to propel her career onward, rather than sideways. Daft pout though.

Ashely Greene

You know Ashley Greene right? She’s in the Twilight films. In 2009, we all ended up seeing more of her than she probably imagined.

Scarlett Johansson

The most famous of the lot, Scarlett Johansson managed to melt the entire internet when her boobies broke free. Jessica Alba must be absolutely thrilled because there was a vague hint of self-shot nudity dithering around the web, but ScarJo completely obliterate her and got hecklerspray lots and lots of traffic. Thanks.

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Despite looking like an Eagle-Eye Action Man, Justin Timberlake is a very fancied man. This is because he’s rich, can sing, dance and… crucially… has a self-deprecating sense of humour. Oh, swoon. If only he’d grow his Pot Noodle hair out again.

Mila Kunis meanwhile, is just really fit and went down on Natalie Portman in Black Swan, keeping your underpant botherers in mucky daydreams for a lifetime.

However, the most exciting thing concerning this pair is the news that some nudes have been leaked a la Scarlett Johansson. Wanna know more? Course you do.

It’s believed that there’s a whole host of naked celeb photos out there with a ‘ring’ of people hacking into phones and email addresses, willing to share them with the world for seemingly no financial gain (you’d blackmail them wouldn’t you?).

And there was news that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis were next on the hit list.

It’s been suggested via numerous sources that Timberlake sent Kunis a naked picture of himself, stood on a bed with – remarkably – a pair of Kunis’ pink knickers on his head.

Sadly, reps have said that claims are ‘entirely false’. It still won’t get that image out of your head though will it?

A statement says:

“At no time did Mr. Timberlake and Ms. Kunis exchange inappropriate texts or emails. The insistence that there is any inappropriate correspondence between the two parties is entirely false.”

The statement also stresses out that one of the images, claimed to be taken from Kunis’ phone…

“was in fact not from any phone but from an inactive email account that has not existed in three years. In regards to the other photos in question, they were never exchanged between the two parties.”

Wait. So there IS naked photos floating around then, right?

The reps continued:

“In closing, Mr. Timberlake would like us to make it clear that while he might write songs about putting things in boxes, he never has and definitely doesn’t make a habit of taking any photos of them and sending them.

“Ms. Kunis would like us to add that while she is a fan of the song, she does not have nor has ever had photos of any male parts in her possession.”

We’ll obviously have to sort that out immediately. We can’t have Mila Kunis living in this world without some disappointing penis photographs.

We’ll get on it right away.

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So, by now, you will have seen or at least become aware that Scarlett Johansson had some self-shot naked pictures leaked yesterday. That’s right. We’ve all seen her T&A now.

If you haven’t seen them (what have you been doing? Living in a cave?), click here and, no, they’re not safe for work.

Legally, we still have to add that we’re not 100% certain that they’re genuine (someone’s a bit good with photoshop if not), but adding to the credibility of the snaps is the news coming through that Johansson has asked the FBI to find out just who leaked the photographs. It wasn’t us. We could hack through cobwebs, let alone the photos from someone’s phone. However, there’s more rumours circulating that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis should be feeling a little nervous today as there’s mutterings of nudes appearing of this pair.

An FBI spokesperson told The Wall Street Journal that their LA branch “is investigating the person or group responsible for a series of computer intrusion involving high profile figures,” including Johansson.

Johansson is now among a long list of celebrities cooperating with the FBI to bust a celebrity hacking ring. Apparently, there’s around 50 slebs who have been hacked, which is great news for you filth mongers out there. Great news for us too as the people of the celebrity world have been far too well-behaved of late.

The last high-profile celeb (well, high profile-ish) was Gossip Girl star Blake Lively who shared more of herself than she intended when some images appeared online. Alas, Lively’s rep said that the images weren’t the real deal and threatened to sue anyone who circulated these pictures.

Ahem.

Other names being thrown around for potential leaks are Jessica Alba and Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, possibly together. Apparently, TMZ have seen them.

Uh oh!

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Prince Harry is a very, very wealthy man. He could probably get people killed if he wanted to. It must be brilliant being him, even with the whole Not Sure Who My Dad Is Now You Mention It thing.

With all those coins, cars and boats at his disposal, it’s not difficult to imagine that Harry can’t move for tail. The ladies invariably throw themselves at him, with dreams of being a real life princess.

However, the press are adamant that Harry should have sex with his sister-in-law, Pippa Middleton. That’s right! The rags are courting these two, pressing their noses up at windows, overlooking a non-existent sex life. It’s astonishing. And now, it seems that Pippa ‘the arse’ Middleton is falling for it, hook line and sinker, playing out the role of nagging girlfriend before they’ve even had chance to buy condoms.

If you missed it the other week, Prince Harry acted like a drunk young person with lots of money to throw around. Basically, while in Croatia, he got hammered and jumped into a swimming pool with all his clothes on.

Why should he worry about ruining his clobber? He can buy enough trousers to cloth the human centipede a million times over.

However, Pippa Middleton isn’t happy, not that it’s got a thing to do with her.

After seeing his drinky drink antics last week, Princess Kate Of Wherever’s sister decided to give him a good telling off.

A source says:

‘Pippa texted him to suggest that he starts acting “less like a teenage chav, more like a real man”.’

Chav?

Let the class wars begin.

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The cool thing about Spiderman is that he’s a bit lame. Sure, the whole Spidey Sense thing is cool and so is the whole parkour thing he invented… but he’s still lame. He’s a complaining smart-ass who still lives with his elderly Aunt. We even saw him being a student in a bedsit.

And so, when recreating the comics, you really need to grab a hold of that lameditude and embrace it. The ’90s animated series pretty much nailed the nerd/hero axis, but sadly, the movie adaptations were too keen on making Peter Parker too nerdy, and his alter-ego too cool.

So the new The Amazing Spiderman film is going to sort all that out, right? It’ll retain some of the b-movie fun of the enjoyably crap ’70s films, as well as throwing some decent explosion at him, right? Ummmm…

Sadly, we’re entering an age where all superhero films are going all out to copy the Batman movies. All high-tech rubber suits and brooding orchestrations. Apart from the Green Lantern which is essentially Dude, Where’s My Superpower?

Spiderman should, of course, always have that ace b-movie quality. He’s not a classy, brooding superhero. He’s sulky, petulant and mildly irritating. He’s basically a teenager who hasn’t worked out whether to be a tit or a bollock.

Giant monsters, clunky dialogue, Stan Lee introductions aimed directly at the fans, a stupid lycra suit (which, after all, was handmade by Parker himself because he’s a gigantic milksop) and, most importantly, a soundtrack that sounds like…

But here we are, faced with another gloom filled serious-a-thon with this leaked trailer which should get a few geekpulses racing. After watching it, it might even turn out to be a good film (it can’t be any worse than Tobey Maguire’s efforts at webslinging).

Of course, as this is leaked, its all a bit blurry, but it does the trick (and will probably be taken offline real soon because the studios are massive spoilsports) and will keep us in SpideyWanks ’til summer 2012.

Here it is.

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Trolling the carcass of Princess Diana is a very, very easy thing to do. Diana has the kind of fans that Michael Jackson would be proud of – bug-eyed nutters who howl in anguish at any kind of negativity thrown their way.

However, riling up these devotees isn’t easy. They’ve heard it all before, willing to shrug off the lamer of the insults levelled at their idol. However, there’s some words being thrown at Diana which are expertly pitched.

How about the one where Lady Di gets called an “anorexic, bulimic narcissist”?

We wouldn’t be surprised if you think that the aforementioned line came from the hecklerspray crayon, but alas, we aren’t responsible this time.

This fine slice of winding people up comes from American lunatic, Ann Coulter, who really does have a special talent when it comes to making people outraged.

While appearing on The Insider, she was asked if she ‘sometimes says things that [she knows] will stir people up’, to which Coulter replies:

“Oh, sure. I definitely know how to rile up liberals. It’s almost a gift.”

Not just the liberals are taking a tongue-lashing. The Royals as a whole get thrashed.

“I find it a little baffling when Americans get so gaga-eyed over a princess. In particularly Lady Di, who was just this anorexic, bulimic narcissist.”

All this is excellent PR work for her new book, which is called Demonic: How the Liberal Mob is Endangering America. Jeez. She’s teaching us a thing or two about heckling.

If you’d like to see her slate Lady Di in a video, then click here to watch the clip. She very nearly performs the line with a straight-face.

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Arse worshippers! Good news for your deluded selves! Pippa Middleton is single! Now, you shouldn’t let the fact she wouldn’t touch you with a stinky bargepole stop you believing you’re in with a shot of getting next to her now world famous behind!

Even though she’s now related to one of the most wealthy and powerful families of inbreeds on the planet, you should definitely think to yourself that somehow, she’s going to take kindly to a pleb like you, just like Prince William did when he married ‘a commoner’.

A commoner with a shite load of money.

Pippa had crisis talks with her bum and they both decided that it would be best if they didn’t have a relationship with someone called Alex Loudon, who accompanied her to the Royal Wedding in April.

This is good news for magazines who want to try and boost their ailing readership figures, as now she’s vulnerable and single, she won’t have a boyfriend to tell her not to appear on their pages in her knickers and vest.

Some friend who clearly doesn’t like her enough to keep their fat mouth shut, said:

“It is common knowledge in their close circle of friends that Pippa and Alex have recently split up”

It would appear that Loudon was no longer willing to live in the shadow of Middleton’s arse and its newfound celebrity. They’ll probably intend to stay friends, but ultimately, won’t.

Meanwhile, Pippa has been dossing with someone called Percy who is the son of the Duke of Northumberland. He sounds like a nice working class lad.

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Remember how Blake Lively (yes, we’ve checked – that really is the name her parents bestowed on her) has never been naked in her entire life, let alone whipped out a smartphone and snapped pictures of her junk?

Well, after reps howled that the snaps were “100 percent FAKE!”, the hacker who circulated the photographs has decided to hit back.

And they’ve decided to hit back with a further 17 naked pictures of the Gossip Girl and hand-holder of Leonardo DiCaprio.

Legally, we must continually point out that the actress vehemently denies that it is she appearing in the explicit pictures which are very easily found online (if not, turn your ‘safe search’ off Google Images you massive wimp).

We must also point out, morally, that anyone who hasn’t ever indulged in some kind of nudie self-shots is some kind of backward pervert. Seriously. What’s wrong with you? What exactly are you hiding?

Anyway, these hackers have leaked new photos which ALLEGEDLY feature Lively in a bid to ‘prove’ that they are the real deal.

The hacker says, in a tone that wouldn’t pass as formal sounding in a job interview:

“Oh, yes, Blake’s rep. These are totally fake. We really, really believe you. Want moar? Btw, thanks for all the fats”.

The photos in question, which you’re probably already idly searching for despite not really knowing who she is, consist of Whoever The Woman Who Looks Like Blake Lively Is holding an iPhone with a distinctive protective cover. One that people are presumably trying to match up with a pap shot.

Lively’s representatives are yet to comment on this new batch as they’re probably still writing out invoices to send to the actress in exchange for some kind of damage limitation or upkeep of reputation.

Coming soon: Blake Lively gets vagina out in film or something

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For a brief moment in Britain, everyone felt kinda good when Prince William and Kate Middleton (or The Duchess of Skelmersdale or whatever she is these days) got married. Not that there was a sense of national unity brought about by an old-fashioned state event.

Rather, everyone seemed to agree that the little car they drove around in was nice and that Pippa Middleton has a very pleasing arse.

Of course, this good feeling lasted all of about 30 seconds and everyone went back to wondering what exactly the Royal Family offer us. And in the build-up to an official trip to Canada, one politician decided to vent spleen in their direction in a volley of abuse that is almost hecklersprayesque in quality and pettiness.

The Quebec Solidaire party (we’re sure they’re very, very important and not at all meaningless to the rest of the yawning chasm of the universe) launched into some impressive venom about the Royal couple.

Amir Khadir, a chap who is a member of the Quebec Solitaire Players Club, described the monarchy as

“a parasitic system that was inherited from ancient times”.

He added:

“A nation worthy of the 21st Century has no need for a monarchy or people with a bloodline.”

He wasn’t finished there either. Y’see, when you slag the Royals off, you’re always met with the cries of ‘yes, but think of the tourism!’, which Khadir amusingly batted away with

“If this is a tourist attraction, I would at least appreciate it if the stakeholders involved knew that we are bringing them here kind of like we do with circus tours.”

Quebec’s Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Pierre Moreau (yes, yes, we’re sure he’s a very important man who the world couldn’t possibly manage without) didn’t like Amir’s lip, saying rather charmingly:

“Being at odds does not excuse being impolite.”

It seems a little impolite to ask Canadian taxpayers to cough up $2 million in security for the visit of two equally unimportant, grinning poshos, right?

Protests are expected, but alas, Canadians aren’t nearly as mental when it comes to having an itchy trigger finger like their American cousins, which is a saving grace of sorts.

Unless you’re the kind of person who actually enjoys assassinations of course. Please hand yourself over to the police immediately. Many thanks.

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