World events they’re fun aren’t they? Well no, not really, but hey at least you can now use IfIDie.net to record an ‘in-case of my accidentally on purpose death please avenge me to the bitter end’ video. Yes that a real thing now. Yes, it does seem like one of those fake adverts from Six Feet Under and yes it is the greatest use of video technology ever created.

We don’t know why bands even try anymore. They can’t even beat an advert for your own death. The 80’s, that’s what the music video was for, signifying an overabundance of crass ideologies, big hair, glittery outfits and the subjugation of women to the simple age when they were just ‘things’.

Did we mention the hair because that’s a pretty important part? Anyway, shall we look at the new releases?

Showing us all how not to do everything is the most boring non-member of Mumford and Sons Laura Marling.

She’s still whacking her hands against that stringed up tissue box and spitting slowly dying cats out of her face. So, obviously you might want to watch this on mute wherein you will transcend yourself and become one of those people who cites Russian Ballet as a hobby.

You scumbags.

If you like dancing, which as a nation we seem to do, then you will find this video exciting. Conforming to the aforementioned law that one of the vital elements for the success of a music video is the objectification of women, the people doing the dancing are of course women and they are of course wearing some unflattering black underwear, but underwear nonetheless; besides it’s black and we all know that means they want to have sex.

Probably with that snazzy man dancer who’s getting all up in their pelvic thrusts. Laura Marling-1, Feminism-0.

The Arctic Monkeys have gone back into the studio. Anybody?

Oh yeah Richard Hawley is there just in case you forgot they were local lads who love local things. Yes, we get it. You’re from Sheffield.

Breaking news coming in as we’re writing! The original Sugababes seem closer than ever to reforming according to one ardent twitter fan and thousands of unassuming idiots. Try not to break a sweat chasing this one round the rumour mill it’s only been a thousand years and a non-existent number of incarnations and counting.

Obviously you’ll be the first to receive a staggering endorsement of their new video from us if this ever happens. Regular service resuming in 5… 4… 3…

Yay The Red Hot Chili Peppers are still around and Anthony Kiedis still has the biggest dick in the business; everybody dance now! Well, you could, but someone decided to take the video offline thanks to copyright issues. WHAT A SHAME. All you’re missing is the usual turgid rubbish, complete with hair. Oh, there’s also a massive dog/penis allegory that’s being waved in the camera for three minutes.

The weekly metal music video to keep you in a state of habitual depression comes courtesy of Mastadon.

Metal can be sensual too is what this says. How? Well that’s a very good question, but here we state a case that it is through the innocence of a woman’s face. Metal-1, Feminism- -1.

Next week we’ll be ditching gender politics and solving the problems that are inherent within society due to the class system and economic policy so be sure to tune in for that and for the latest on what Mutya, Keisha, and the other one are doing.

Are you familiar with Drake? If not, then all you need to know is that he’s the lamest, softest, wimpiest milktoast of a rapper who ever lived. Seriously. Your little sister could easily take him. Your dead nana could beat him up AND out-rap him.

And so, with that, does it surprise you that the weather made him cry?

Over the weekend, he played at the Sundance Film Festival and it snowed a bit. Instead of making a snow-sculpture shaped like a ho with a gun, he preferred to bite his nails and worry about the whole thing, cowering under his Power Rangers blankie, fearing for his life.

Late for his show, he told a crowd made up entirely of divorcees and poindexters:

“I almost lost my life six times to get to this motherf**ker. My flight was delayed six hours. I was on the curviest roads of my life!”

He wasn’t finished talking about his ordeal, at one point, asking for a lie-down and something to eat, telling his simpering, wimpo audience:

“I need a massage and a grilled cheese”

Obviously, someone would’ve had to cut of the crusts for Drake as well as wearing special linen gloves because the roughness of people’s hands hurts his skin.

After the show, Drake invariably went backstage, worried about any profanity he used because getting his fee stolen from him by a passing butterfly who threatened to land on his face.

He probably then spent the rest of the evening crying at the moon because he didn’t know what it was and it frightened him, before being talked round with a glass of warm milk and a big cuddle from his management.

Rap troll, Lil Wayne is going to release his prison diaries, just in time for next Christmas. That’ll be a nice present for your nana won’t it? In it, he’ll probably talk to God a lot while simultaneously glamorising his pretend ‘thug’ lifestyle.

But will he be mentioning the poundings he took around the anus while in the prison showers? We do hope so, because that would be refreshingly charming!

The book will be titled ‘Gone Till November’ and will be based around the diaries he kept while in the clink. This puts Wayne in the same company as Nelson Mandela and… uh… Jeffrey Archer.

Little Wayney Wayne spent eight months on Rikers Island on gun charges. Basically, he thought he’d do something original and be a rapper with a gun. Seriously. What a git. Cops just love pulling over black people and searching them for weed or firearms – you’d think they’d be a little more wary, right?

Ben Greenberg, of Grand Central publish (who, duh, are putting the book out), said:

“We are thrilled to be publishing Wayne’s prison memoir. He kept detailed journals of his inner and outer life while he was on Rikers Island, and they certainly tell a story. They are revealing.”

Revealing how? Like his lyrics? Such as…

“I admire your poppin’ bottles and pimpin’ just as much as you admire bartending and strippin’.”

and

“I said he’s so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper – so I let her lick the rapper.”

This book is going to be amazing, obviously. Up there with Chaucer and Bridget Jones’ Diary. Of course, he’s going to be detailing all his thoughts and feelings, but if that’s the case, this should be more of a pamphlet than a book.

Still, it’ll give numskulls something to read away from Sports Illustrated and FHM when they’re on the pan.

What do we know about Snoop Dogg? Well, firstly, he’s a rapper. Secondly, he’s all long, thin and funny looking. Thirdly, he likes weed. He really, really like his cheeba. He mentions it all the time. So much so that you might think he protest too much and that he’s actually never tried it.

Or he didn’t inhale.

Alas, that hasn’t stopped him getting arrested in Texas this week after another canine with a nose for skunk uncovered a rake of marijuana on his tour bus. Seriously. We just assumed that he’s ALWAYS got a buncha hash about his person at all times. Why he’s not constantly being checked up on by the police is a mystery.

A law enforcement source told the ambulance chasing TMZ that Snoop’s tour bus was stopped at a border patrol checkpoint in Sierra Blanca. Another celebrity got checked for weed there too – say hi to Constantly Going On About Weed Willie Nelson. And yep, he got his collar felt by those same cops back in 2010.

Of course, the funny thing is, Snoop spoke up for Willie when he was arrested, saying:

“They better leave Willie the f**k alone.”

To add to that, they even cut a hilariously terrible song together. It’s called ‘My Medicine’ and we couldn’t begin to imagine what that might be a euphemism for.

Either way, the border patrol inspected the bus with their sniffer dog and BOOM, let us just check this waste bin here! Ah yes! Snoop Dogg In Drug Owning Shocker. Not too cleverly, Snoop… or at least, someone on his tour bus (him), tried to hide some joints in a red prescription bottle.

Of course, Snoop has a prescription for cannabis in California, but alas, that prescription cuts no ice in Texas. Oh. And they hate black people in Texas, so there’s that as well.

More news if we can be bothered to find it.

When 50 Cent released an album called ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin”, no-one really suspected that what he actually meant was, at some point, he’d get so bored of being a rapper that he’d just give up living.

We’re not talking about suicide here, rather, just the complete lack of will to stay alive. He’s got rich, now he’s not bothered about breathing anymore.

And 2012 has seen Fiddy talking about just that. He just wants to stop everything. He’s had enough.

In a series of tweets, Pifty Cent (the world’s first and foremost deaf rapper) has expressed his disappointment with the world of music and has vowed to cease any self-promotion for new music releases.

“I have lost all the faith in the team I’m on. I having nothing left to say I will not be promoting my music.”

He will still release his fifth album with Interscope, but he really couldn’t care less about it.

“I’m going to deliver this album. Then I have a film I wrote to focus on. I’m not upset, I’m just convinced this is not how I want to remembered”

Remembered? Why, is he going to be dead soon? Seems so:

“I’ll be honest I don’t think I’m gonna live much longer. That’s why I started my street king movement. I want to mean more in other people”s lives.”

Just stop rapping for a start. Seriously. It sounds like you have a penis in your mouth all the time. He doesn’t does he?

Hey America! Muslims are awful, awful things aren’t they? Apart from Mohammed Ali. You like him don’t you? Dave Chappelle is alright too, huh? And Ice Cube. And you like all those bands on Atlantic Records, a company set up by maverick Ahmet Ertegun. Guess what? Massive Muslim. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

There’s LOADS of celebrity Muslims in the grand ol’ U.S. of A aren’t there? All going about their business without bombing anyone or shouting ‘DEATH TO THE WEST!’

So then, what’s America’s problem with the television show, ‘All-American Muslim’ then? Why are all the sponsors pulling out and washing their hands of the project?

The show follows Muslim families who live in Michigan (in a suburb of Detroit). Instead of people looking at the show as something that might be interesting or, dare you think it, something you could learn a little from (America, before you start, we know you’re not too keen about learning other people’s cultures – unless it’s aliens which you have all the time in the universe for), people are howling that this is all some awful exercise in propaganda.

Retail dudes, Lowe’s, caused a ruckus by pulling their advertising from the show. Lowe’s spokeswoman Karen Cobb reckons that the company was one of “dozens” of businesses to pull their advertising since late last month. Obviously, it’s completely fine to do things if other people are doing them.

Like invading small countries for their… oh, we’ll stop that analogy right there. Even we’re tired of that one.

Marvellously, hip hop mogul Russell Simmons has gone and bought up the remaining ad slots. Obviously, the world of rap has very strong connections with Islam, with many artists converting to the Nation of Islam, becoming five percenters or y’know, becoming straight-out, everyday Muslims.

The Florida Family Association, a little-known bunch of reactionary dimwits, has campaigned against the show. They reckon that All-American Muslim is “propaganda” that is “clearly designed to counter legitimate and present-day concerns about many Muslims who are advancing Islamic fundamentalism and Sharia law.”

It must be awful to live in a country that has another culture’s ideology forced down their neck by groups deemed to be outsiders… eh Iraq?

But U.S. Representative Keith Ellison, said in a statement that Lowe’s had:

“chosen to uphold the beliefs of a fringe hate group” and given in to intolerance. “Corporate America needs to take a stand against these anti-Muslim fringe groups and stand up for what is right because this is what it means to be an American”.

Stupid America. God forbid anyone should have the temerity to show Muslims going about their business and generally not doing anything out of the ordinary like every other person who lives in The States.

“Y’all got tickets to see the Stone Roses? What? Manchester doesn’t like the Stone Roses? Aren’t they from here? Ladies and gentlemen… our special guests, THE STONE ROSES! They’re all out back cryin’ now…”

Das Racist aren’t your average hip hop outfit. Instead of bring the usual posturing that is seemingly obligatory in the world of rap, they pretty much stumbled into view almost as unprepared as we were when we first set sight on them.

Coming to Manchester, on the back of an appearance on the Conan O’Brien show, they stared out at the throng and looked as pleasantly bewildered as those staring back at them. Mercifully, from the neck down, everybody was dancing.

Laughing at the chorus of boos that met the Stone Roses chat, Das Racist’s between-song patter was as funny as their songs are. And humour is something that these reprobates trade in daily.

Of course, having a sense of humour in hip hop is a tricky thing. Years ago, De La Soul were happy to sing about shovelling chestnuts in their backpacks, while Ol’ Dirt McGirt would often fling out hilarious asides from whichever cultural reference his sharp, but addled mind, landed on. However, both acts have been prone to act tough for the sake of staying onside with the hip hop glitterati.

Not Das Racist. They clearly couldn’t care less. And it’s this wilful and enthusiastic embracing of amateurism which makes them such a fun, cool ride.

Whereas the likes of MC Paul Barman can go overboard on the LOOK AT ME, I’M A FUNNY RAPPER! thing, at times, nearing Weird Al levels of parody, Das Racist don’t even need to try. They look like they’ve never exerted themselves in their whole lives. They’re naturally funny and, mercifully, have the beats to back it up.

And so, without a care in the world, Heems, Kool A.D., Dapwell (and the Looking Like He’d Taken A Load Of Mushrooms Before Walking Onstage Lakutis) strolled onstage and promptly went about slaying everyone in sight with some super heavy basslines and slanted, skewed observations on… well… everything, ever. When settling in with Das Racist, you have to cling on tight or you won’t keep up.

See, while the backdrop featured Beyonce looking like a melted waxwork and Osama Bin Laden grafted onto some hideous demon body, from the stage, Heems indulged in some call-and-response, notably asking the crowd to shout “GET A REAL JOB!” and “THIS IS NOT WHAT I PAID TO SEE!” at him.

He then gave someone in the audience a banana.

While this all sounds far too zany, fact is, amongst it all is one of the tightest backcats on the planet. They launched into their impressive setlist setting feet to pound and brains to stun. The morning after, its hard to beat what the New York Times wrote about the group:

“Das Racist’s lack of piety has become an aesthetic of its own, with songs that are as much commentary on hip-hop as rigorous practice of it.”

Basically, Das Racist aren’t you’re average crew. Smarter than they look and wilfully dumb, they’re just about the most perfectly amalgamation of all that rap that’s gone before it. Of course, people don’t have much room to praise anyone but Tyler The Creator and Azealia Banks at the moment and, sure, while the latter is an exciting popstar, it feels like everyone backed the wrong pony with Odd Future.

For super fresh beats and smart-ass, bug-eyed rhymes, Das Racist kill all the opposition. Don’t tell ‘em though. They haven’t got a fuckin’ clue.

Let’s keep it that way.

Professor Green as, despite forever sounding like he’s in a headlock, managed to forge a career as a rapper. At least he’s managed to answer the question: What would Nelson Mandela sound like if he went into hip hop?

Anyway, Professor Green (Professor in sounding like he’s got a wasp trapped in his windpipe while looking despairingly gormless, if you were wondering) is currently in the middle of a tour where he performs for Guardian readers and other people who afraid of non-whites on the sly.

And get this! You yoghurt plaiting gimps can catch him some more as he’s announced dates for a brand new UK tour in April 2012! AMAZING NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE THEIR RAPPERS TO SOUND LIKE CUDDLES THE MONKEY!

Of course, mainstream rap at the moment is treading two paths. The first is the LET’S SOUND LIKE HADDAWAY AND MAKE EUROPOPRAP! and the other, the one fancied by Prof. Green and Drake, LET’S SHOW OURSELFS TO BE SENSITIVE, THOUGHTFUL THUG LIFERS! YEAH!

Proffles Greeno has songs called ‘Today I Cried’ and ‘Never be a Right Time’ y’know? That’s because he really cares. And sounds like the air being kicked out of a lilo.

Naturally, the world has been crying out for a rapper that sounds like they’ve swallowed a bag of KP despite their nut-allergy closing their throat up, so it’s little wonder that Proffo Grunibonk has become a massive star in the UK.

They play him on the radio y’know?

Sadly, the radio doesn’t pick up his lovely neck tattoo which actually is the lyrics for MC Miker G & DJ Sven’s ‘Holiday Rap’, which is Greeno’s primary inspiration for picking up the mic.

And if you don’t know what that reference means, get yourself to YouTube immediately.

Anyway, the remainder of Proodles Groonaldo’s tour is…

…wait! He’s not paying us to promote him and his awful shoe-squeak voice! Sod him. Go find out the dates yourself and we’ll chase after you with flame-throwers you earless berks.

Big tough guy 50 Cent quit alcohol for life after becoming ‘paranoid’ during one bad experience, or so he says. We think that’s what he said. Have you heard him talk? He sounds like a deaf tractor engine when he raps.

Of course, Fiddy spent years as a drug dealer before finding fame and fortune as a rapper, but alas, he admits that he’s never been one to indulge in drugs or drink.

Because he’s a soft-git and had a bad experience. And we know exactly what happened.

One particular incident prompted him to stop drinking forever.

FOREVER.

Talking to Piers Morgan, who still looks like unbaked pastry stuffed into a condom, he said:

“I got a chance to watch a lot of my mother’s sisters and brothers at different periods experiment with the use of drugs or alcohol and I see them respond so differently that I stay away…

“I’ve had an experience (with alcohol) that made me paranoid because of it and I stayed away from it following that.”

He pissed the bed didn’t he?

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MC Hammer (real name Stanley McHammer) is a man famous for two things – ‘U Can’t Touch This’ and his hareem trousers. That’s about it. Think of anything else? Nope. Nothing. That’s pretty much everything covered.

BUT WAIT!

Hammer – who spunked his $20million fortune on sweets and crisps, leaving him with not much else – is coming back! What as? Well, as a guest at the Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco this week, he announced he was launching a search engine. No. This is not a joke.

Hammer took to the stage to announce that he is launching a new search engine called ‘WireDoo’. This is proper news. The New York Times are reporting on it. Although, they’re probably more concerned with Colonel Gaddafi getting his legs blown off at the minute.

Anyway, McHammer explained how the service could add relationship information to search results. Y’know? Like the already existing ‘related results’ that you get on the search engines.

Hammer hopes to offer a “deeper type of search” that shows relationships to specific queries.

Why is he investing in technology?

“No one is playing for singles anymore”.

Okay. If he had any brains, he would’ve developed those magical talking shoes he wore in his short-lived cartoon series from the late ’80s/early ’90s.

Don’t remember them? Let us reacquaint you…

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Soulja Boy, a chap who has made a career out of singing like a deaf cow having a giant pineapple inserted into its anus, is in trouble with the law. Great for the street-cred, not so good with the whole avoiding a raping in the prison showers.

See, the ‘rapper’ (real name Clangy Van Heusen) got released on bail after appearing in a Georgia court on drug and weapons charges.

Soulja would like to take a moment to tell you that he is innocent, okay?

Soulja eloquently stated on twitter:

“Aye can I have a real … moment? my fans was DEEP … OUTSIDE THAT JAIL MAN IM SORRY!!! thats love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Get that? Are you crying about how beautiful that statement was?

Of course, Soulja has been in a fair amount of trouble recently, being accused of being a giganto homophobe (his Facebook was hacked, apparently) as well as making the whole of the American Army angry by dissing them in one terrible record he made.

And now he’s here, saying sorry all over again.

“I missed 10 interviews today for my new movie! To those companies i’m sorry! you can see I had a lil situation. the show must go on.”

Soulja Boy (real name Clemence Clawhammer) and four chums were arrested earlier in the week near the Alabama border. A cheeky little search of the vehicle revealed three guns, more than 5 ounces of marijuana and less than $50,000 in cash, police said.

And all because of a broken tag light. Seriously rappers. Keep your cars in the kind of condition you keep your trainers in, and you’d avoid 90% of your arrests.

Oh. And stop smoking so much weed in your cars. Serious. Either way, the rapper wants to point out how innocent he is.

“I’m innocent man. I love you all. I just want you’ll to know I’m innocent”

Or, in English, ‘I thought I was above the law, but I’ve got a friend who could do with the cash more than me, so we’re going to pin it all on him and then look after him when he gets out of jail.’

Possibly.

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No music matches rap for the gladiatorial spectacle. When guitarists try to outdo each other with fretplay, it’s always with a sickening sense of bon homie. Rap? Not a chance.

Rap wants to maim.

And that is why the rap battle is one of the most glorious spectacles on Earth! We stumbled across one such battle which may surprise you. The man doing the pwning is a Jewish chap called Soul Khan. And boy, he’s sharp as a razor!

In this video – which contains an amazing amount of swearing and tasteless put-downs, so you wimps have been warned – we get to see the Massacre of the Bay!

It’s a grudge match between Stockton California’s QP (S.O.N.S. member) who takes on Brooklyn resident and California native, Soul Khan.

And Jesus H! Poor ol’ QP, as talented as he is, gets his arse handed to him in a tall hat. You just watch. Defeated with slurs and Scrabble jokes.

WATCH.

NOW.

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Tupac Shakur wasn’t just one of the most average rappers to ever grace the mic. He was also a man who very rarely wore a shirt. He was really very, very keen when it came to showing off his grotesquely pumped up torso.

However, his family aren’t keen on the idea of another pumped up bit of his anatomy being aired for all to see as they’re threatening to sue anyone who publishes his sex tape.

Does this sex tape even exist? Seems so. And we’ve got ourselves a still from it with a disclaimer so no-one takes us to court.

Of course, the news that there was an inevitably disappointing sex tape was about to hit our brains saw something of a bidding war between smut vendors. However, Tupac’s family are vowing that this tape should never, ever see the light of day.

Presumably because it will tarnish his squeaky-clean image. If there’s one thing that Tupac didn’t do, like the other rappers, is shoot guns, smoke drugs and promote a life of murderous crime. He did swear a little though.

Yup, the rapper’s family have said that they “will sue anyone who tries to sell a Tupac tape.”

‘Pac’s mother – Afeni Shakur – has reportedly told her representatives:

“Get the legal team ready because we will not allow someone to put it out.”

Here’s TMZ providing the “photographic evidence” which supports the claim that this tape indeed exists. The tape itself, of course, allegedly shows Shakur getting his bits gobbled while he dances around and smokes what appears to be an exotic roll-up.

Money B of Digital Underground is also milling around, at one point, walking into the frame. Of course, Tupac being the kind soul that he is, apparently puts his arm around Money B, which is nice considering that his engorged member was on display while his little rapper eyes rolled around his soon-to-be-dead rap skull with pleasure.

Either way, this tape won’t do much damage to Tupac’s legacy… that’s because the huge number of dreadful posthumous releases have seen to that.

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Jessie J was one of the big winners at the MoBO Awards in Glasgow, winning in four of the five categories she was nominated in and leaving music industry insiders asking “Who will win next year when everyone’s forgotten about Jessie J?”

Of course, hecklerspray would have brought you a nice report of the whole evening and maybe some lovely little interviews with some of the rich gits who were nominated. However, the PR Company for the ceremony (who will remain nameless for the simple reason that we can’t be bothered to go and look up their name) decided that you, the readers of hecklerspray, weren’t worthy of getting any first hand reports.

Hence the reason this report is full of wild conjecture and rude words. Blame the MoBOs; not us.

Anyway, back to Jessie J and all those pointless awards that she won. The Price Tag singer won “Best UK Act”, “Best Newcomer” (because apparently you can win both), “Best Song” for ‘Do It Like A Dude’ and, as if all that didn’t quite add up to four, “Best Album” for ‘Who You Are’. Unfortunately for Miss J, she missed out on the “Best Video” award, with that dubious accolade going to Tinchy Stryder and N-Dubz “hard man” Dappy for their track ‘Spaceship’.

Adele won “Best Tax Evasion Tactic”, Rihanna took the “Best Arse Before The Watershed” gong, while Tinie Tempah went home the “Best Commercialised Nonsense” award. He also went home with more than he bargained for when an obsessive fan threw an empty kettle, emblazoned with the words “Tempah 4Eva”, at him. That might not have happened.

We have no way of knowing as we weren’t there.

Warbler Adele, Hungry Hungry Tempah and Wretch 32 (who we’ve never even heard of) were each shortlisted for four awards at the show hosted by well-known charisma vacuums Jason Derulo and Alesha Dixon.

Kanya King, founder of MoBO, said:

“Blah blah blah blah blah Mobo roll of honour blah blah blah Adele, blah blah UK’s hot blah blah blah Tinchy Stryder and of course the bloody woeful Jessie J walking away with four awards, despite not actually winning any. The thieving charlatan.”

Elsewhere in the awards to end all awards, American R&B group Boyz II Men were awarded a prize for an outstanding contribution to music. Which, we imagine, is just what they’ve always wanted. To be recognised by some po-faced awards ceremony which has all the entertainment value of being repeatedly beaten around the head with a pirated DVD copy of the Footloose remake.

Still, at least they got to go. We can’t wait until next year to find out who the ‘new Jessie J’ is.

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There’s nothing quite like celebrity genitals. They’re much, much better than non-famous genitals. And trumping all those are the famous genitals of a celebrity cadaver. That’s why we’re all getting excited about Tupac!

See, Tupac Shakur isn’t just a pretty average rapper who got good in people’s eyes the minute he died.

He’s also a man who can get a nosh from a lady while dancing around to his own music while smoking cheap drugs. He’s our hero. And now, with the news that a sex tape is floating around, two bongo film distributors are locking becondomed antlers in a bid to buy it, so we can all watch it for free on some dodgy website. Seriously – there’s massive idiots out there who actually pay for skinny flicks.

The ferocious cock-fight to buy the rights to the Tupac sex tape has already seen bids hitting six-figures.

Get this. Such is the nature of this stupid industry, both companies are throwing the cheque book at it despite having not seen the footage.

BUT THEY WANT THE RIGHTS ALL THE SAME.

Let it be known that we are currently in possession of a 14 minute clip of a man receiving fellatio from a man AND a woman who APPEARS to be Elvis Costello. We’re assuming it’s Elvis Costello because we imagine that he’s got curly black pubes.

Start your bidding now. Especially YouPorn because you’re the only people properly daft enough to throw $150k at a tape you haven’t seen or verified yet.

And of course, there’s no real money to be made from this because everyone is going to stream it or torrent it elsewhere as soon as it hits the web.

Anyway, what would Tupac say about all this? Well, here’s a video relating to him being filmed with an engorged member.

Enjoy. Dirty swines.

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