Are you the kind of person who just can’t travel anywhere without your precious dildo? Well, one such lady is in that position and, after going through security at Newark Airport, she found herself with a cheeky message of support.

A  Transportation Security Administration screener spotted the sex toy inside a bag and decided that they’d offer some encouragement.

Y’know, put a bit of fun into someone’s day? Right? Slightly embarrassing maybe, but ultimately, all in good fun and refreshingly lacking in hang-ups. Right? WRONG. This, of course, is an ABSOLUTE OUTRAGE.

Written on the back of her TSA notice, Jill Filipovic (FRIGapovic more like) saw the message:

“Get your freak on girl”

She tweeted:

“Just unpacked my suitcase and found this note from TSA… Guess they discovered a ‘personal item’ in my bag. Wow.”

“It was a $15 bullet vibe from Babeland, about the most basic sex toy you can imagine. It has now been officially retired, since I have no idea if the TSA agents manhandled it.”

She then wrote on her blog, Feministe, that the message was “wildly inappropriate” but she “died laughing” about it in her hotel room.

So she thought it was funny initially? However, she then told FoxNews.com that she’s gone from having a sense of humour about it to being “pretty disturbed” by it all.

Pretty disturbed by a humorous note. Just so you have that clear in your head.

She wrote that she suspects

“whoever left the note felt comfortable doing so (I also suspect that they believed most women would be embarrassed to be “caught” with personal items and wouldn’t file a complaint)”

“That is certainly cause for concern.”

Is anyone else reading this, thinking that the whole complaint is build around the assumption that it’s a man who wrote the note?

Would the tone be any different if it was a woman who was cheering from the sidelines?

FoxNews, who totally wouldn’t blow something like this out of proportion, say that Filipovic will file a complaint with the TSA when she returns to the U.S.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it

We like to cause trouble here at hecklerspray. You knew that right? That’s why you’re going to vote for us at the Cosmo Blog Awards isn’t it?

Inspired by that guy who did a pretty lousy job of hitting Rupert Murdoch with a custard pie (he did a much better job of getting smacked upside his head by Mrs Murdoch mind you), we thought we’d jape one off in a formal setting.

Behold! The video of a flying dildo in Russia!

That’s right!

We made a vibrator fly! We did you know!

We’re totally not making this up. Nope. Not one bit.

Over in Russia, at some cruddy press conference about the length of queues, we decided to liven up proceedings with a flying dildo.

Observe how EVERYONE wakes up on its entrance.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

When the list is finally produced covering the ‘Things We Absolutely Do Not Want To Ever Know About, Ever’, this will be right up there at the top.

Nobody needs to know that Sam Ronson has apparently bought Lindsay Lohan a big pile of sex toys for her birthday.

We didn’t need to know, we didn’t want to know and we feel a bit sick now. Which is why we had to tell you lot, so you can feel as ill as we do.

Yep – sick as a dog.

When looking through what there is in the world to report on we went through many reasonable stories – the ever-stunning Mickey Rourke fighting roadworks, the ongoing saga of Jordan and Peter Andre which we all care so deeply about or even the court appearance of the now-less-frightening Amy Winehouse.

But even though they were the better things to report on, we had let out eyes rest for too long on the news that Sam Ronson had allegedly bought her on-off-in-out-on-through-again girlfriend Lindsay Lohan a basket of dildos.

Sometimes we wish our eyes would just piss off and stop relaying information to our brain, just so we didn’t know anything about this ever happening.

Even if it isn’t true – it is from the reputed journal that is the National Enquirer, after all – it’s still a sick enough thought to make us actually want to die. Or go on a killing spree. Probably more the second one, as hecklerspray values its own life over that of others.

As the Enquirer said with its evil, evil, eye-poisoning words:

“Samantha presented her with a gift guaranteed to create lots of buzz – a big, brightly gift-wrapped basket of sex toys selected by herself. She spent hours shopping Hollywood’s erotic emporiums for the items.”

Going so far as to throw in a “buzz” pun makes it more sickening than we ever thought possible. We thought it was bad that the video of Michael Jackson‘s head exploding was released about thirty seconds after he’d died, but this is a new low.

We hope you’re all happy now. In our pursuit for excellence, we’ve had to learn this information. To consider this thought. To think about Sam Ronson, Lindsay Lohan and a big pile of rubber tallywhackers.

We blame you, and only you for this.

Britney Spears has all the luck. Not only is she rich and in possession of all her marbles, but now a stranger keeps sending her parcels full of dildos too, the lucky cow.

It's been reported that Britney Spears has somehow managed to pick herself up a stalker. Not just any stalker either, but one who keeps sending her packages of sex toys, threatening porno letters and mutilated pictures of himself squirting an unidentified yellow liquid into his mouth.

The details of Britney Spears' alleged stalker have now been passed on to the FBI, which seems like an odd thing to do. After all, he sounds like a better catch than Kevin Federline.

Stalkers aren't normally known for their good judgement – call us old fashioned but we wouldn't employ someone if they handed us a CV with 'throwing bags of screwdrivers over John Cusack's fence' or 'composing songs about the time I fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass' in the Hobbies And Interests categories. Because, really, John Cusack and Alec Baldwin? That's just weird.

But stalking Britney Spears? Actually, we can see that. After all, Britney Spears isn't just vulnerable to the point where she needs psychiatric evaluation these days, she's also got a proven history of having sex with creepy people that follow her around all the time. And when you're a stalker, that's just an unbeatable combination.

So it's no surprise that Britney Spears has apparently picked herself up a stalker. And, as stalkers go, Britney Spears' one seems like quite the generous chap. Rather than constantly trying to run the object of his affection over, or hand-drawing pictures of them digging his grave while he walks along a knife, Britney Spears' stalker keeps sending him all the mechanical sex aids she could ever wish for. OK! reports:

"It started about six weeks ago with just letters being sent once a week," a source who has seen the packages reveals to OK!. "And then it quickly escalated to larger packages that now arrive two to three times a week — always to the same L.A. address, but never to one of Britney's homes… The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender-colored, battery-operated sex toy," the source tells OK!. "Still with the price tag on it." And alongside the mechanical apparatus are two letters — one handwritten and one written on a computer — both threatening and pornographic in nature.

See? That's how you know it's real love – when a stalker sends you a dildo and keeps the price tag on it. If we were stalking Britney Spears, we'd want her to know exactly how much we were spending on nightmarish, oddly-coloured dildos to win her over, too. 

Not that Britney Spears has seen any of this, that it. In her fragile state, a box with a massive vibrator in it is the last thing she needs to see. Instead, the stalker's packages are being sent to the FBI, who shouldn't have a very difficult job in tracing him because a) he's sent a photo of himself and b) he's also politely included a return address on all the parcels. Which we can all agree is jolly lovely of him.

But even if those details weren't included in the parcels, it wouldn't have been too hard to identify Britney Spears' stalker. Apparently the letters he sent Britney were angry, incomprehensible, full of threats and written entirely in capital letters.

Oh God. He's one of you! 

Read more:

Britney Stalker Details Revealed - OK