It’s okay everybody, you can relax, there’s no more need to worry, Kevin Federline is fine.

We know, you were scared that K-Fed might be taken from us too soon, but we’re pleased to announce that all is well with Britney’s Baby Daddy and he didn’t actually suffer a heart attack that none of us would have cared about.

Federline was hospitalised earlier this week after he collapsed whilst filming a weight loss show in Australia, he was quickly rushed to hospital along with the paramedics who had initially tried to lift him onto the stretcher.

The world’s most favouritest douchebag spent much of the day in hospital, before being released to recover at home, probably in a soiled wife beater and a trucker cap.

At the peak of his girth, Federline had reached a whopping 17stone, which doesn’t sound like much for an American, but being – as he is – an American that was supposed to be vaguely famous for something, this a HUGE deal.

Admittedly that thing he was famous for was having sperm so polluted that it sent Britney Spears batshit insane enough for her to marry him, shave her head, attack a car with an umbrella and hole up in her Hollywood mansion, in a weird Waco 90210 stand off.

We should applaud Federline for attempting to get back into shape, but he’s just so annoying it’s hard for us to even care whether or not this little episode was an actual problem with his heart, or indigestion caused by the rapid consumption of a Big Mac.

It probably was indigestion anyway, it’s hard to imagine K-Fed, who’s now sporting a pony tail because he wasn’t white trash enough before, can even eat a simple burger without taking breaks from chewing with his mouth open to tell anyone and everyone who will listen how he totally nailed Britney Spears, whilst simultaneously humping and spanking the air in a display of chauvinism that borders on the retarded.

So next time you’re in a fast food chain, about to tuck in to that tasty burger you ordered, just remember this. Somewhere, out there in a restaurant just like the one you’re sat in, is Kevin Federline.

Toni Braxton – the female R&B singer you haven't seen, heard or thought about once in the last 12 years – has been hospitalised in Las Vegas.

Although the exact nature of Toni Braxton's illness hasn't been revealed, some have claimed that she was rushed to hospital with chest pains – a sign that Toni Braxton could be suffering from a flare up of her pre-existing pericarditis.

Pericarditis, of course, is an inflammation of the lining of the heart. Ironic, really, since Toni Braxton's most famous song was entitled Un-Break My Heart. When will these celebrities realise that singing lovelorn powerballads about diseases that they suffer from is no substitute for the progressive nature of medical science?

Toni Braxton has never been too much of a hecklerspray target in the past, but that's only because she's failed to do anything of worth. But now, thanks to a horrific-sounding health scare that possibly left her fearing for her life, she's made it. Welcome to the big time, Toni! 

Although Toni Braxton hasn't had a real hit since the middle of the last decade, she's kept herself fairly busy – alternating shifts in Las Vegas working crowds with her I Know You Couldn't Get Tickets For Celine Dion But I'm Almost As Good (Plus There's Free Soup) show with being diagnosed with horrible illnesses that inflame the lining of her heart.

And on Monday night, those two things collided spectacularly, leaving Toni Braxton in a Las Vegas hospital receiving urgent medical care for chest pains, as E! Online reports:

Toni Braxton is on the mend and in "good condition" following a health scare. The 40-year-old "Un-Break My Heart" singer was admitted to Las Vegas' St. Rose Dominican Hospital for chest pains Monday night… The singer's agent at ICM, Mark Seigel, would not comment on Braxton's hospitalization. While there hasn't been any further details released on her present ailment, Braxton has previously admitted suffering from a condition called pericarditis, an inflammation of the lining of the heart, which she was diagnosed with four years ago.

It sounds horrible, and hopefully Toni Braxton will make a full and speedy recovery from this scare. But, again, it's odd that the singer of Un-Break My Heart should suffer from a cardiac anomaly like this. Let's just hope that fate doesn't decide to act out any more of Toni Braxton's song titles, like Trippin', Breathe Again or Let It Flow – Toni's been through enough without suffering a fractured collar bone, chronic asphyxia or abnormally heavy periods.

However, just as we hope that Toni Braxton gets better quickly, we'd also like to make it clear that we don't want Toni Braxton to become any more famous from this incident.

It's for our own good – because if Toni Braxton manages to resurrect her singing career by performing songs about her illnesses, then the floodgates will  open. And the day that Jessica Simpson releases a song called Let Me Tell Y'All About My Stinky Piss is the day that we realise evil has won.

Read more:

Toni Braxton Hospitalized - E! Online