The yellowed-vagina singer reportedly wants to play Ingrid Bergman’s part and plans to set the film in war torn Iraq. How current.

A studio source says:

"She is still determined to make it in the movies. She and her representatives have been touting around a project which is a remake of Casablanca. The reception has been lukewarm to say the least. No one can understand why she wants to redo what many people consider the greatest film of all time.”

She’s persistent. You’ve got to give her that. It’s like AIDS walking up to a hospital in Africa and asking for a job. Whilst laughing at Patrick Swayze’s prostate. Whilst repeatedly stabbing the corpse of Princess Diana in the face with a white Fiat Uno. Whilst simultaneously eating Jesus and the co-ordinates of Madeleine McCann’s current whereabouts. Whilst pooing on a picture of Mohammed sellotaped to a teddy bear. Whilst saying, “At least you’ve got good AIDS, mate and you’re not a paki.” She’s persistent. You’ve got to give her that.

The Madge has thankfully not been seen on our screens since her husband made the terrible decision to continue living and direct her in 2002’s bargain bin exclusive Swept Away. But all that could change if movie executives are idiotic enough.

What’s next? Michael Bay to remake Citizen Kane? Hard-Fi to redo The White Album with less cover art? Salmon Rushdie to rewrite the Koran with more sense?

The world’s gone fucking mad.

Read more:

Madonna to star in 'Casablanca' remake? - IOL 

And do we why ignore them? Well, that's because you do not want to turn into the annoying, pedantic friend who everyone ignores. It's a vicious circle.

It must make Hollywood screen writers want to tear their hairpieces out. They probably spend hours agonising over one defining line, only for cinema-goers to totally miss the message. Well, today, just to prove we are not only here to titillate but educate, hecklerspray is your annoying pedantic friend who, um, you'll eventually ignore.Really, we don't know why we bother.

7. Casablanca (1942)
Movie Misquote: "Play it again, Sam"

Yes, we know everyone knows these words from world weary Rick (Humphrey Bogart) to piano man Sam (Dooley Wilson) is one of the most misquoted lines in movie history. But do you know what he really says? Well, to help you out it's: "You played it (As Time Goes By) for her, you can play it for me. If she can stand it, I can."

6. All About Eve (1950)
Movie misquote: "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride."

It's close, but what Bette Davis' fading star Margo Channing actually says is: "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night." One word can make all the difference.

5. White Heat (1949)
Movie misquote: "Top of the World, Ma!"

Perhaps people were so fixated on the fact that James Cagney (Cody Jarrett) is about to be blown up they fluffed their lines. What he actually said is: "Made it, Ma. Top of the World." OK, it is quite close.

4. Blonde Crazy (1931)
Movie misquote: "You dirty rat."

The closest James Cagney ever gets to saying that line is: "Mmmmm, that dirty, double-crossing rat."

3. Star Trek
Movie misquote: "Beam Me Up, Scotty"

It's probably the most famous line in Star Trek history, but Captain Kirk never actually said it. The closest he ever got was: "Scotty, beam me up."

2. Apollo 13
Movie misquote: "Houston, we have a problem."

This must go down as probably the most misquoted line in history. What they actually said was: "Houston, we've had a problem."

1. Dirty Harry (1971)
Movie misquote: "Do you feel lucky, punk?"

It must be a constant annoyance to Clint Eastwood that he really hams it up, but everyone just boils it down to five easy pieces. It's understandable, because it does go on for a bit. Okay, the actual quote is: "Ah, I know what you're thinking, punk. You're thinking, 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?" Told you it was long.