The overall impression I got from reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was that he was taking drugs and reporting back so that you didn’t have to.
Well this week’s been the same for me, but instead of the mind-expanding world that concerned Thompson, I am committed to the mind-reducing ignorance of the tabloids. Maybe, when I’m standing next to Littlejohn on the white cliffs of Dover shouting expletives in the direction of Europe you’ll remember the sacrifice I made so that you could be enlightened and tolerant.
This week: Jordan and Peter Andre and their continuing slow-motion car-crash of a divorce…
Looking at the various entertainment-related stories, I could have chosen Michael Jackson (who had to die for everyone to find out what he was up to), or possibly Jack Tweed (who is never going to able to do anything naughty without being spotted by everyone on the moral high-ground). The Jordan/Andre divorce proved the most fertile ground, though.
The poor old press are in a state since they can’t work out for the life of them whether they’re going to aim their stories at their male readers or their female readers who want to masturbate over her, or judge her respectively. Oh what a quandary to find yourself if you lack morality – what ethics do you pretend to adopt?
The Star?s female readership is low enough that this wasn?t a dilemma they had to tackle – ?I'm not leaving bed for 48 hrs?. Tuesday?s headline told of ?Hungry Kate?s sex marathon? in a full page article. I'm not sure who exactly falls for this crap since Jordan?s like the girl you knew that was always flirtatious but never actually slept with you – she's the most unconvincing sex maniac ever. If she was that into sex why would she have married Andre in the first place, a man who clearly shares Action Man?s physique both over and under the belt?
The Star saves the anti-Jordan coverage for a tiny paragraph in the corner which directs the reader to New! Magazine and in which Pete adds fuel to the complex, psychological, and completely made-up, difference between ?Katie Price? (the media-savvy business-woman and mother) and ?Jordan? (er… her tits). Oh poor Pete. There he was minding his own business when he met shy and retiring Katie in the playground after they?d both finished double-maths. If only they could have led quiet, private lives. Oh, wait a minute – that's bullshit isn't it?
Meanwhile The Sun is a bit confused. It has a female readership, so it can run the headline ?Fury at Topless Jordan Photos? above those very same ire-inducing nipple shots of Jordan on one side of the article with a shot of Pete doing his best sensitive dad pose on the other size.
Expect the newspapers to choose Pete?s side as there's nothing the public love more than working themselves into a rabid frenzy about a relationship which they actually know nothing whatsoever. Then once that's stopped selling, expect Jordan?s comeback.
[story by Si Sharp]
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