It’s time for the last Strictly Come Dancing recap before Saturday’s exciting semi-final. Well, Saturday’s semi-final.
Oh, who are we kidding, of course the Strictly Come Dancing semi-final is going to be exciting. There’ll be thrills, there’ll be spills and – now that Austin Healey isn’t part of the show any more – there won’t be any little midgets screaming “OLE!” all the time. That qualifies as exciting, right? Yes?
Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens…
Rachel Stevens – Last week Rachel Stevens found herself in the Strictly Come Dancing dance-off again, and event that usually sparks off days of sobbing and soul-searching and God knows what else. And it did, only this time it wasn’t Rachel doing the crying – it was her silly little dance partner. As we all know, a partnership where Rachel Stevens is required to be the emotional crutch is doomed, and so the pair of them really needed to dance their socks off to make up for this abominable lack of stability.
And, what do you know, Rachel Stevens actually managed to dance pretty well on Saturday’s show. Her best dance by far was her first, a Tango to Here Comes The Rain Again. The dance required her to be wooden, robotic and personality-free, and she managed it. Rachel Stevens without a personality? What will they think of next? Rachel’s second dance wasn’t too far off in terms of quality, either – it was a Cha Cha Cha to Signed Sealed Delivered, which was actually fairly decent even though Rachel couldn’t stop groping herself during it and the entirety of our notes for the performance comprised of the words ‘SHIT CUTE WAVE not much else’. You may mail us the Nobel Prize for Literature whenever you like. Total Strictly Come Dancing score – 76
Next week: We’ll get you ready for the Strictly Come Dancing final. Whether you like it or not.