Jessie Wallace has become the latest celebrity to be voted off Strictly Come Dancing because, well, because she was a bit poo.
Jessie Wallace’s Strictly Come Dancing Quickstep to Help was so toe-curlingly tryhard that it was less of a dance and more of a painful retelling of the third act of A Doll’s House. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she had a great big weepy tantrum about it afterwards that left her face looking like either an orange panda or an expressionist painting of a rotted tangerine.We can’t decide which.
But now Jessie Wallace is out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Christine Bleakley and Jodie Kidd…
Christine Bleakley – The worst thing you can be on Strictly Come Dancing is confident, because chances are it’ll come back and smack you in the face in the from of the squishy Scouse judge screeching bad alliterative insults at you, and that’s what happened to Christine Bleakley on Saturday. She spent the entire week leading up to Saturday’s Quickstep to She’s So Lovely bouncing around all full of herself like Scrappy Doo, only to end up sort of buggering it up. True, it was perky and cheeky and everything, but all her enthusiasm took away from her poise and precision, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges told her that she “didn’t quite have quite the sparkle” that everyone wanted. Having said that, it’s abundantly clear that Christine Bleakley fancies her Strictly Come Dancing partner like mad – so at least it’ll set up a furious man-on-man topless fistfight between him and Adrian Chiles, which is something. Strictly Come Dancing score – 26
Jodie Kidd – On Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, Jodie Kidd decided to go for a Rumba to I Just Can’t Stop Loving You. That’d be good, except for the twin facts that a) Rumbas are sexy dances and b) Jodie Kidd is roughly as sexy as a bucket of offal. That meant that her Strictly Come Dancing routine this weekend was a textbook example of wild overcompensation. Jodie wasn’t so much ‘sexy’ as ‘pissed-up streetwhore’ and that sort of shone through. Our calculations show that, of their whole 90 second routine, Jodie and her partner spent approximately 65 seconds rubbing each other’s faces in a hamfisted approximation of lust, 10 seconds putting everyone off their tea by kissing each other and the remaining 15 seconds just sort of standing around doing the air lasso. The Strictly Come Dancing judges picked up on this, calling the routine “almost pornographic” although, to be fair, they were actually referring to Jodie’s partner’s obscene man-cleavage. Strictly Come Dancing score – 22
Tomorrow – Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Cherie Lunghi.