We don’t know about you, but we’re sitting here writing this dressed in pornographically tight trousers and a bright pink frilly shirt open to the navel – and it’s all in honour of the return of Strictly Come Dancing.
On Saturday night, the whole county will unite in coming together in front of its TV screens to watch Strictly Come Dancing, where a bunch of wobbly semi-famous personalities will try and ballroom dance while a Scouse witch screams abuse at them and a confused old man forgets everyone’s name. And if that isn’t entertainment, we just don’t know what is. Do you know everyone who’ll be in Strictly Come Dancing yet? We do, and we’ve got all their odds of winning, too.
Here are today’s Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Jimmy Tarbuck, Georgina Bouzova and Jan Ravens, with help from Paddypower…
Jimmy Tarbuck – Jimmy Tarbuck? Who he? We think we speak for the entire country here when we say: Jimmy Tarbuck? Jesus Christ. Jimmy ‘I’ve had an idea for a golf-based gameshow’ Tarbuck appearing on a TV show hosted by Bruce Forsyth? Why doesn’t the BBC just throw out any notion of dancing and just have Jimmy and Bruce present Strictly Come Dancing from the end of a pier somewhere, where they can tell their smug Tory mother-in-law jokes to each other without fear of being accidentally trodden on by Mica Paris? Maybe we’re being too quick to judge here – Jimmy Tarbuck is a man from the old school, when people needed to dance and sing and tell jokes all at the same time because YouTube hadn’t been invented yet, so there’s every chance that he’s a slinky mover. Plus, anyone capable of creating something as downright brilliant as Liza Tarbuck can’t be all bad, can they? Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 14/1
Georgina Bouzova – Georgina Bouzova? Who she? No, really; who is Georgina Bouzova? We literally haven’t got a clue who this Georgina Bouzova woman is. However, our extensive ten-second internet research has dug up the fact that Georgina Bouzova is from Casualty, the hospital TV show watched entirely by people who like to spend their Saturday afternoons predicting accidents and then feeling smug when they’re right. Georgina Bouzova plays Ellen Zitek, apparently, but that’s not important. What’s important is that nobody has ever heard of Georgina Bouzova, so nobody will vote to save her – except possibly the men who will come to see Georgina Bouzova twirling around in a scrap of latex and three sequins as a weirdly perverse highlight to their weekend. But even the loyal Randy Dad vote probably won’t be enough to push Georgina Bouzova to Strictly Come Dancing victory unless she’s really good, which she probably isn’t. Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 14/1
Jan Ravens – Jan Ravens? Who she? You know Dead Ringers? The impressionist TV show where the make-up, writing and performances are so bad that the actors have to explain who they’re doing impressions of before they start any of their sketches? Well, Jan Ravens is the woman from that show. She often does impressions of Anne Robinson and the strangely masculine female BBC newsreader. OK, now you know. We haven’t got the first clue if Jan Ravens is any good at ballroom dancing, so that’s why she’s taking up the non-committal middle ground in these Strictly Come Dancing betting odds. However, good or bad, you can rest assured that Jan Ravens is at home right now practising half-baked impressions of both Tess Daly and that awful female Strictly Come Dancing judge. Still, it could be worse; Jon Culshaw could have been a contestant instead. Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 12/1
Tomorrow: The hits keep comin’ – Mark Ramprakash, Carol Smillie and Matt Dawson‘s Strictly Come Dancing betting odds.
[story by Stuart Heritage]