50 Cent is the most aspirational human on the planet. Basically, he earns obscene amounts of money to rap, despite the fact that every time he opens his mouth, it’s like eavesdropping on a speech therapy clinic.
If Fiddy can get paid to rap, then you dear reader, can achieve absolutely anything you want if you put your little pea-brains to work.
However, Bifty Pent’s insane riches have landed him in a weird situation. See, some dorks decided to break into his house. You’re probably thinking they were in his palatial surrounds to steal things. Not so. What unfurls is like a Harold and Kumar script.
The chaps who were arrested inside 50 Cent’s Connecticut mondo-mansion weren’t trying to steal a thing, rather, they just wanted to get absolutely pasted on expensive booze while sitting in the lap of luxury, all the while, gurgling to themselves like Beavis and Butthead.
The sister of Alexander Hernandez – he’s one of the trespassers who was found by police officers drinking wine in Fiddy’s wardrobe – says that her brother and his accomplice just wanted to “hang out” at 50 Cent’s house because they’re both massive fans.
It kinda goes without saying that they’re as thick as pig shit.
She adds further that Hernandez never tried to steal anything from inside the house, but rather, just wanted the buzz of getting inside. Which they did. And then they stayed and got blind drunk.
It’s almost poetically brilliant.
Of course, these two dipshits are stoners and the cops said that they were both in possession of weed when they responded to the home.
We’d like to think that one of them blew their cover by rustling a grab bag of Cheetos and tittering to himself at how funny the dark is.
Unfathomably, one of these stoners got a girl pregnant and could well miss his newborn baby’s first Christmas. Oh well. That’s what you get for being toweringly dimwitted. 50 Cent, meanwhile, said of the situation:
“Mnhmmnnn nnnnghhnn nmmnmn drrnnmm gnnn mhmmm smnanmnnn, mthrfcknnn”
Brilliant. This is what dreams are made of.
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