Everyone hates spoilers.
No-one more than us at hecklerspray, by the way. In fact, a short while back, we were reading this centuries-old fantasy book when someone only went and ruined the plot by telling us that the main character died at the end. Something about being nailed to a cross, we think. Our memory is a little hazy.
Someone who shares our pain is beardy director-man Steven Spielberg. He's a mite annoyed with young actor Tyler Nelson, who – after landing a minor role in the upcoming Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull – decided to blab all the important plot details to a local newspaper.
And now? Now Stevie-boy is so upset he's threatening to cut Nelson out of the film altogether.
Whoops-a-daisy.
A spokesman for Spielberg put things in no uncertain terms, referring to Nelson by stating:
''Who knows if he's ever going to work in town again?"
A bit of a bummer, then. Oh well – now that the cat is out of the bag, we might as well look at the confirmed facts concerning the new Indiana Jones sequel. So far we know that:
– Indiana Jones And The Geriatric Wee-Wee Accident rejected as idea; to be postponed until Harrison Ford is at least two years older
– New serious tone means that Nazis will be approximately 25% less hilarious
– Among the ancient artifacts Indy will be searching for: The Golden Monkey Arse, The Chalice Of Indigestion, Spanky's Magic Flute, The Grail Of Vodafone and Janet Street Porter
– As film is set in sixties, Indy will use slang of the era, such as 'cool,' 'groovy' and 'spark us up another hit on that fucking massive bong, Dave'
– New diversity laws mean that comic sidekick must change ethnicity every thirty seconds
– Theme tune to be replaced by avant-garde drone-based post-rock thrash-out by Godspeed You Black Emperor
– Whip to be replaced by CyberWhip, which can access Indy's Facebook account with ease
– Film to be disappointing and largely pointless
We can't wait.
Read More:
Steven Spielberg Furious After Indiana Jones Plot Is Leaked – FemaleFirst
