Air pollution is rampant, global tolerance is stretching thin, and just this morning hecklerspray saw a half-dozen waddling ducks with their heads stuck in one of those plastic six-pack ring thingies.
But you know what? None of that matters. That's right, the sun is still shining, there's a thousand butterflies twittering outside our office window, and we're pretty sure we just found a skittle left over from yesterday's mid-day snack. "Why the good mood, hecklerspray ol' chum?" you may be asking. "Because the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline video-graphic sex-romp doesn't exist at all," we're definitely answering.
Yup, according to Federline's lawyer, there is no such tape, and anyone claiming otherwise is an effing liar with rat-like qualities. Now that's not an exact quote mind you, it's just our interpretation of the message the lawyer-guy was trying to drive home.
There's been a lot of talk about the Spears/Federline sex tape. Most of the talk has been about how Federline is threatening to push it public if he doesn't get kid-custody, while a little of the talk has been about how we should show the film as part of a tenth grade health curriculum to teach school kids how to 'do it proper'.
The most recent tape-talk, however, is that there is no tape of which to talk. K-Fed's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan says:
"There is not a sex video of Kevin and Britney in existence. It goes without saying that the stories of Kevin attempting to sell such a video are patently false, and anyone who reports that they have information of such attempts is either lying or reporting the lie of someone else."
The preceding statement could mean one of two things; 1) The tape really doesn't exist, or 2) Federline's lawyer is much smarter than Federline, and after hitting his client in the back of the head with a rolled up The Modern Attorney magazine several times while shouting "The courts will never side with you that way, dolt" he has convinced his client to back-peddle like hell.
We're inclined towards #2.
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