Some days I can’t help but wake up and think: What the fuck is wrong with the world? Today was one of those days, because today I found out that, once again, someone has decided it’s a good idea to marry Charlie Sheen. And SURPRISE! It’s a porn star.
Oh no, wait! Maybe he didn’t, he was just joking! You see, Charlie Sheen went to Iceland this weekend and posted a picture of him with his porn star girlfriend, Brett Rossi, with the caption that they’d gotten married. He then posted a pic of his new tattoo, where he’d gotten his kids’ and Rossi’s initials on him. But then wait, PRANKS! Not married, he just wanted an excuse to freak out Denise Richards and make fun of Ashton Kutcher. SO, I think the real story here is: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH CHARLIE SHEEN?!
Charlie said he played the old fake marriage gag to give his ex, Denise Richards, a stroke. Denise Richards’ probable response to all this fuckery?
Charlie then took to Twitter to clear things up, and for some damn reason he also took a jab at Ashton Kutcher, calling him Jon Cryer’s “sidekick.” What I want to know is why does Charlie Sheen think any of these people give a shit about his wacky antics and what he has to say about them? You know who gives a fuck about Charlie Sheen? Literally like no one.
I don’t even give a fuck about Charlie Sheen! I don’t care enough to even write this full blog about him! In a world where everyone gave fucks, one girl dared to give none: The Krysta Fitzpatrick story. If you want an hour and a half biopic about a 27-year-old “woman” blogging in her underpants while yelling at her cats to get away from her jumbo Reese’s Peanut Buttercups, it’s the movie for you!
Aside from Charlie Sheen’s lunacy, a lot of cool stuff did happen this weekend!
For one, the disgustingly adorable couple, Evan Peters and Emma Roberts, got engaged! I think they’re both pretty little blonds and I like to imagine they’re really having sex in their fuck time scenes on American Horror Story: Coven, so I’m all about this. Sure, she was arrested a little while ago for beating him up or something, but hey, Rihanna took Chris Brown back! (I know, I know, that was in poor taste).
And, of course, it wouldn’t be the weekend if a Kardashian didn’t post something “scandalous” on Instagram that all of us were talking about. This weekend, it was the amazingly less vain half of Kimye, Kim. She posted some workout pics with her stripper bff, Blac Chyna, and, honestly, next to Blac Chyna, Kim’s ass looks small and natural.
I understand workout progress pics just as much as the next bitch. I mean, my daily routine goes something like: get up, go on instagram, feed cats, take pictures of abs, instagram, and so on, but I don’t really get how this is a work out progress pic? The first one they posted displaying their abs? sure, yes, totally. This pic is more like a big ass showdown.
Oh, also, Tila Tequila’s sex tape is out now, so if you’re down with masochism you can go ahead and look that up.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!