You know where you are with Tim Allen – you're either in a cinema full of bored children or the Sandstone Federal Correctional Institute listening to the billionth anecdote about sneaking drugs through Kalamazoo airport.
But Tim Allen has worked out that only starring in films about Santa Claus won't win him an Oscar. Indie comedies are what'll win him an Oscar, which is why Tim Allen has signed up to make his directorial debut with the comedy Crazy On The Outside.
Don't worry, though, this isn't some guffy ego-puffing vanity project, because Tim Allen isn't even going to star in Crazy On The Outsi… what's that? He is going to star in Crazy On The Outside? OK, well in that case it is a guffy ego-puffing vanity project. Sorry about the mix up.
Tim Allen has given the world so much in his 54 years. He's highlighted the tragic plight of mulleted children with idiot fathers on Home Improvement. He's raised awareness of men who keep turning into Father Christmas with the Santa Clause movies. And he would have given the world 1.4 pounds of cocaine if he hadn't been arrested with it at Kalamazoo airport in 1978.
That alone should be enough for Tim Allen to take a step back, realise he's given the world enough and go on to do something else that's less public. But Tim Allen's not having a sniff of it – after a decade spent pretty much exclusively starring in children's films where he turns into stuff like Santa Claus, a shaggy dog or, in the case of Zoom!, a warmly nostalgic rocket-shaped ice lolly – Tim Allen has decided to strike out on his own.
That's right – Tim Allen is going to direct his very first movie, an indie comedy called Crazy On The Outside. EW reports:
Allen will also star in the movie, and Ray Liotta, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kelsey Grammer, and Julie Bowen are all in talks for roles. Allen plays a parolee who finds life outside a prison to be much crazier once he enters his quirky sister's world.
Hilarity ensues. Or, since this is an indie comedy, mild amusement that never actually makes you laugh out loud followed by a sad, soul-searching bit and then a song by Iron & Wine over the credits ensues. Or, since this in an indie comedy directed by Tim Allen, none of the above.
But perhaps we've got this all wrong. We literally don't know a thing about Crazy On The Outside. It could be a bawdy knockabout affair, or it might take the lead from Tim Allen's forthcoming turn in a David Mamet movie and show a more serious, considered side to him. Given the subject matter, Tim Allen might even make Crazy On The Outside slightly autobiographical.
In which case one thing's for certain – everyone is going have really crap facial hair.
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