Soap Spoilers! Moons! Drugs! More Moons!

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It’s Monday you ratbags which means it’s time for Soap Spoilers where we take great delight in ruining your viewing pleasure for the coming week.

In Coronation Street this week Tracy hears Roy talking about a postcard he’s received from Becky and she pumps Sylvia for information. Not literally we hope. She then runs off to find Steve and tell him about Becky’s new man, leaving him as crushed as a buttery biscuit base on Masterchef.  She then pumps him for fun and thinks they’re going to live happily ever after but funnily enough Steve doesn’t and it’s back to shouting and overacting in the Rovers as normal.

Gary decides that Izzy is never going to leave the house ever again and hides her wheelchair. It’s true.  When she finds out that he’s entirely mental she screams for help which reults in him being locked up and begging for her forgiveness but will she?  More importantly,  DID SHE GET HER WHEELS BACK? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS SHE STILL SAT THERE???

Other exciting moments include; when Marc goes out with Audrey dressed up as Marcia and makes a slightly more convincing woman than she does and everyone tries to cheer up Ken but it doesn’t work due to the fact he has no soul.

Next up it’s Eastenders and we see the arrival of another bloody Moon family member, taking the total number up to 6121.

Yes now we have Anthony Moon, Eddie’s son who’s predictably a dodgy, wide boy bastard type and helps his family scam some business premises before calling everyone ‘Bruv.’ Even his Dad.  Billy Mitchell asks them for work and they make fun of him, leaving Lola no choice but to torch all of their stock and then drive into Ian Beale’s chip shop again. IN A TANK!! [this may not be true.]

Having realised that Eddie is actually David Essex, Jean continues to be smitten with him, even finding out that he wears silk boxer shorts and telling him she knows his secret.  This is not Eddie’s secret.  Oh no. It’s much more interesting than that. It’s huge! MASSIVE! SHOCKING!!!

Yeah. We don’t know either.

Ryan is selling drugs at ‘da club’ for Phil and Roxy finds out. She tells Phil she’s going to grass him up to Shirley and Phil says she’ll regret it if she does. So she probably doesn’t.  We don’t care. Ryan does care however and, in order to stop his sister Whitney finding out what a drug dealing loser he is, he sleeps with Lauren and her magic fringe to keep her quiet.

Finally we’re off to Neighbours where we were shocked to find out that Madge Bishop and Helen Daniels are both dead and that people still watch this soap.

Struth.

Until next time.  We love you more.

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