It’s always incredibly realistic in soapsville, with characters suffering incredibly similar fates to us television watching plebs. Think about it. On your street, there’s been thousands of murderous affairs and trams crashing into factories. They should be called documentaries really.
And over at Eastenders, it’s wedding time for love’s young (and depressingly damp) dream Tamwar and Afia this week! Yes, the wedding which has dragged on for at least 17 years, is finally going ahead but not before that Yusef ?fella ?has one last attempt at being sneaky and dastardly in order to win back the love of Zainab.
Tamwar?decides?to grow a pair and tells Zainab that he wants Masood at the wedding and Zainab agrees saying it would raise questions if he wasn’t there. ?Questions like ‘Where’s Masood?’ we’re guessing. Yusef invites Christian and Syed to the wedding but then he goes and spoils it all by saying something stupid like; ‘Shut up about being gay and having children’ making perpetually tormented Syed take the huff….BUT THEN Zainab invites them both giving the nation hope that they might see Syed backflip one more time.
Afia is persuaded by her father to tell Tamwar she’s scared of Jane Beale groping postman Masood, so?Tamwar gives his dad a Father’s Day card then promptly bans him from the wedding. The ungrateful shit.
Tired of telling everyone what a big bastard Yusef is, ?Masood?decides?to ruin everything?by showing up anyway, telling Tamwar he forbids him to marry Afia just as Yusef has tried to woo Zainab again with his pointy face.?Tamwar reveals they’re already married, making everyone have a big Eastenders fight which includes face punching but more importantly NO BACKFLIPPING.
Curses.
Meanwhile the rest of Albert Square are still alcoholics, Max Branning and Tanya are still thinking about doing it all day long and David Essex is still a handsome looking man.
Up North meanwhile at Coronation Street, sturgeon faced Becky is?determined?to move on from Steve and decides to flirt with Stella’s man Karl before being told by Stella to bugger off. ?She then tells Steve she’s seeing other men so Steve throws her out and after getting shit-faced she decides she still loves Steve making every viewer throw their hands in the air and wish she’d just fuck off.
Steve then then tells Becky he wants a divorce and?conveniently?goes to visit his brother leaving Becky to take over the pub, get shit-faced again and makes Ken Barlow threaten to call the police. THE POLICE NO LESS.
How exciting.
Carla also gets smashed when her mother dies and she gets all pissy with a new client, making Frank furious. Will she tell him what’s going on or will she just call Peter and ask him to help her, thus making his wife jealous as she catches them embracing? ?FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! WHAT WILL SHE DO???? ?(She called Peter).
Stella (Michelle Collins) also wrestles a baseball?wielding?maniac to the ground in the bookies before hiring a hitman to kill Ian Beale again. One of those facts may not be true. Over at silly, but ultimately adorable Hollyoaks, characters with stupid names like Mercedes and Mitzeee do stuff and no one really cares as they’re too busy cry wanking with the sound down.
That was good wasn’t it? Oh stop it. We love you more.
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