There are loads of differences between Snoop Dogg and hecklerspray. The most obvious is the jet set lifestyle, stupidly sized mansion and the ability to string words together to form coherent sentences.
The only thing we’ve achieved to date has been conquering our local takeaway’s challenge, ?the kebab of doom? which is a meal comprised of the mangled carcasses of multiple animals, piled 5ft high in a pitta, with a secret Creme Egg centre. Finish it and you get a free can of pop.
We always thought that our food feat gave us one-over on Snoop Dogg, but not content with speaking like a child who has their own comedy language, the rapper has decided to venture in to the world of snacks, taking away our only glory. Given some of the lyrical content that Snoop raps about, tucking in to something tasty would probably be quite refreshing given the after effects of certain types of cigarettes.
Like everyone else, we're dubious when people use their position to start going down other avenues they normally wouldn't had access to. Look at Bono for example – not only is he filling the ears of people with liquid shite, but he also likes to tell us all about the plight of poor starving African children. All good and well on paper, but when you consider that Bono doesn't pay tax on all his earnings, it seems slightly hypocritical.
But Snoop Dogg is different to Bono. He seems the sort of person that would introduce you to booze at twelve years old at a BBQ and accompany you to the newsagents so you can buy your first bongo mag. Therefore, we don't mind him flooding the market with more products embossed with his name. Following a flop TV show and a couple of recent ropey albums, he can't count on former glories forever. One of the new products he plans to launch is a range of hot dogs. Given the swagger and confidence of most rappers, we're surprised he didn't compare the meaty snack to his penis size:
?My Snoop Dogg hot dogs will be coming out soon. The foot-long Snoop Dogg hot dog, you hear me? The ice cream shit is going to happen as soon as possible. Snoop’s Scoops.”
In a world where babies are classed as obese as soon as they appear from the womb, Snoop Dogg has thought ahead to make sure he gets on the right side of the health fanatics. Again, we're going to go in with stereotype and assuming that Snoop won't be dishing out aerobic instructions in a pair of tight spandex pants [What a fantastic idea! – Ed.]. Instead, we fully imagine a bevy of ladies prancing around in a DVD that scrapes the boundaries of soft porn and novelty hip-hop video. Snoop added:
“Man, I know how to work that shit off. How? I’ve got a brand new exercise that I like to do. I’m going to put out this tape so you can all see it.”
We can imagine the badvertising for the food and DVD now
?Sucked down a load of Snoop Doggs big and long sausages? Burn it all off with a crunking hot work out that?ll make you make you yelp like a little bitch.?
Hopefully, he’ll put some booze in ’em like when he made mashed-potato with Martha Stewart.
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