Good mother of Moses, England are crap at football at the moment aren't they? The only thing even vaguely comparable to watching an England match these days is shitting drawing pins – and we're all out of drawing pins.
So we say this – screw the England football team. Actually, screw football altogether. From now on, we're all about soccer. Sensational soccer. And the best way to grab hold of some sensational soccer is by playing today's Slackerjack, handily titled Sensational Soccer. You've seen the screengrab of Sensational Soccer, so you probably don't need telling that Sensational Soccer is basically Sensible Soccer in everything but name. But, hey, Sensible Soccer was one of the best football games in the history of videogames, so something tell us you're going to like Sensational Soccer too.
A word of advice, though – if you lose at Sensational Soccer, try not to storm out of the post-match press conference after just two questions. It sort of makes you look a bit like a twat.