This Thursday sees the start of The Ashes, the bi-annual event where England try – and usually fail – to beat Australia at cricket.

This year, England have a fighting chance of winning The Ashes. We know this because the beardy shouting man on Channel Four has been telling us a thousand times a minute for the last month.

During The Ashes, England and Australia fight tooth and nail for two months in order to win… a pot of ash. That’s a rubbish prize. All kinds of half-brained morons have won thousands of pounds in a minute on Richard & Judy. Would you rather win thousands of pounds for describing what a carrot looks like, or a pot of ash for playing cricket for two months?

While you’re thinking, let us draw your attention to a special Ashes game created for the Totesport website. It’s the final innings, and you have to bat England to victory with your strangely-stanced cricketer. It’s rather spiffy.

Play The Ashes Final Test game now.