Sarah Jessica Parker, you sicken us. Paying a woman to be a surrogate mother is simply not God’s way.
If you wanted children so badly, Sarah Jessica Parker, then you should have done it the natural way – by arbitrarily choosing a smallish African nation and bullying it into giving you a child. Or, if you were having trouble conceiving a baby in that way, then you should have built a school teaching your crackpot religion until the country feels guilty and changes its mind. But doing it via a surrogate, as you’ve just done? Ugh.
But congratulations and everything, yeah?
It’s no secret that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have been going through a bumpy patch in their marriage recently. Between all the accusations of infidelity and terminal neediness, it was hard to see exactly how their relationship would be able to survive.
But it has. And what was their secret? Easy – hard work, devotion and a couple of children that they can take their frustrations out on instead of each other. Probably. But just because they wanted some children to potentially use as emotional leverage against one another in case their marriage looked it it was going to hit the skids again, it doesn’t mean that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick were prepared to do that to their own flesh and blood.
So they bought a couple of babies from somebody else. That way if they start to get too messed up by the likelihood of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick’s marriage disintegrating, they can be put up for resale on eBay or something. We think that’s legal. At least we hope it is, or else we’re going to be in a whole heap of crap.
Anyway, our point is that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have taken ownership of their two happy new twins, who were delivered by a surrogate. AP reports:
The girls were born Monday afternoon at an Ohio hospital, publicist Simon Halls said. Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick weighed 5 pounds and 11 ounces, and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 pounds. Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker’s side, Halls said. “The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon,” Halls said in a statement.
Oh, you know what? Good for them. We’re sure the pain of discovering that they couldn’t conceive a child – coupled with the subsequent pain of realising that the surrogate mother’s home had been broken into so that photos of her could be sold on to a tabloid – quite easily compares to the agony of childbirth.
And besides, have you seen Sarah Jessica Parker? She’s tiny. If she did get pregnant, then the unborn babies would have been bulging so far out of her ridiculous pipecleaner of an abdomen that you’d have probably been able to see the bloody things blink through whatever nightmarish outfit she’d decided to wear at any given moment. And that’s a bit grim. We prefer it this way, thanks.