For most singers, starting off your pop career in front of creepy Louis Walsh, Geri ‘I will kill you in your sleep’ Halliwell and a mentally masturbating Pete Waterman, would be professional suicide and probably quite traumatic, but for Sarah Harding the rest of Girls Aloud it actually worked out pretty well for them.
They wore some make-up, made some not-too-terrible pop tunes and gave a generation of drooling men another reason to work their palms with an uncontrollable fervour.
Until one day they decided to concentrate on other important and exciting projects like getting divorced, making pasty make-up for pasty girls and of course falling out of nightclubs, absolutely slaughtered.
Sarah Harding was always the best at this and when she wasn’t shoving her boob filled bra in our faces she was brilliant and being all ‘lairy’ and applying fake tan with her eyes closed.
Then one day she decided to sober up, dye her hair black and marry that DJ fella Tom Crane for reasons we couldn’t care less about. Love or something.
He said:
‘I pulled the ring out of my pocket, which I was amazed she hadn’t spotted because it was in a big old box – got on one knee and asked her to marry me’
Insert ‘is that a ring in your pocket’ or do you just have a really oddly shaped DJ penis? joke here.
So everyone came to the gothic themed party, apparently inspired by?that rubbish ?Black Swan film, where no-one was actually remotely gothic. Or swanny. Or psychotic. And even Cheryl Cole didn’t bother her arse to turn up and look bored or go on about her divorce again.
Hmph.
For the love of god, someone buy that woman some peroxide and a pint of gin.
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