Ronan Keating, Charlotte Church And The Summer Of Anti-Love

First it was Mark Owen, and to be frank that was bad enough for one year.

Now it’s Ronan Keating – news that made a legion of women squirt tea through their nostrils in utter horror. Water coolers in offices up and down the country were working overtime as hoards of distressed ladies tried to make sense of the fact that two of pop’s squeakiest, cleanest, and ‘devoted’ men had well and truly screwed up.

Even those lucky enough to be in a relationship found themselves lying awake at night wondering what could be happening, taking swabs from their spouse’s shirts because that red wine stain just might be lipstick. And now Charlotte Church and her orange walnut of a fiance have split up, too. Is nobody safe?

We’ve had to deal with Sandra Bullock and Jesse James this year, and the claims that he just couldn’t keep it in his pants either. Deeply depressing.

And we won’t even touch down on Tiger Woods, when that hit we were still licking our wounds from the Rebecca Loos/David Beckham fiasco, and they took an unusually long time to heal.

Thank God Cheryl finally gave Ashley Cole the PVC stilletoed boot up the jacksy where it firmly belongs, even she couldn’t be bothered to fight for that love.

Now, it’s poster couple Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson, who have announced they will go their separate ways just weeks after the square-shouldered jock got down on one knee. Reportedly no one else was involved in the split, so that’s some comfort at least.

But please, no more. Writers at Heat magazine are bloody tired and divorce lawyers are turning to energy shots and dib dabs to get through their extra long days. Each new report is a further nail in the coffin for those who hope that a long-lasting marriage is actually possible without these incredibly blessed men dropping their pants at every opportunity.

And why is it that they always downgrade?

They have these beautiful, talented women by their side, but yet they are getting jiggy with their children’s nannies or some ropey club-hopping bint who put it all on a plate for a glass of Lambrini. Next we will find out that Ken was playing away on Barbie with a Bratz doll, or Cinderella’s handsome prince was getting it on with Snow White all along.

Please celebs, try and hold it together – and not just for the kids.

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