Well, well, well, it seems like Robin Wright has been drinking a whole lot of hate-orade these days, because bitch is throwing some major shade at her ex-husband, Sean Penn’s, dick-giving skills in “Vanity Fair” magazine. Robin recently gave an interview to the super fancy magazine and indirectly made a jab at her exes jabbing skills (see what I did there?) by proclaiming her current, and much younger, piece, Ben Foster, to be the best person ever at making her lady parts happy.
To be fair to Sean, their marriage was pretty shitty the last few years of it (they were constantly separating and getting back together), so there is a good chance he was just fucking her with an old sweet potato he’d put spray tan on, because apparently that’s how I imagine Sean Penn’s dick looks?
So, Robin sat down with “Vanity Fair” to talk about acting and life and her chronic on-and-off relationships, and started talking about how into her maybe-finace Ben Foster she is (I say maybe because they were engaged then broke up and now they’re back together so I don’t actually know what the status of the whole thing is). Either way, she had this to say:
“I’ve never been happier in my life than I am today. Perhaps it’s not ladylike [to say], but I’ve never laughed more, read more, or come more than with Ben.”
A few things:
1) Robin got with Sean AFTER he did “Fast Times and Ridgemount High” and lost all his funny, so I’m totally not surprised that she didn’t laugh much during their 20-year marriage. I assume Sean Penn jokes go like this: “3000 people were killed in Haiti today, I leave tomorrow to bring the survivors supplies. Just kidding, I’m leaving now. I have to save them. I’m Sean Penn.”
2) Of course you’re reading more with Ben than you did with Sean. You have time to read! You know who doesn’t have time to read? Sean Penn, and whoever Sean Penn’s wife is. Sean Penn is too busy protesting and saving puppies to read your damn books.
3) I’m a bit iffy on the whole sex thing. I kind of always assumed that Sean Penn must be an intense and passionate lover because a) He locked Madonna down in her Boy Toy prime when she could’ve had any and every dick on the planet, and b) he now looks like a pair of boots that pirate wannabe Johnny Depp would wear, yet he still has the ability to dickmatize major Hollywood beauties like Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron. His personality seems shitty and he was only hot for like an hour in the 80’s, therefore the dick HAS to be good for him to still keep getting beautiful, intelligent, talented women, ya know?
You might hate Sean now, Robin (I feel like you do), but there is just no way I’m believing that bitches don’t be looking like this after Sean Penn is done with them: