Christ on a pogo stick! Could Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart possibly become anymore boring than they already are? Bearing in mind that between them, their collective presence makes a room filled with motionless, beige mannequins look like a riot in Studio 54.
But wait! Despite the fact that these two take up perfectly good space on this already beleaguered planet by doing little more than clinging on to their handsomeness, they are about to become even less interesting.
How? By slowly closing one eye, thereby shutting off the vague flicker of life shown in one of their windows to an assumed soul? Nope. Apparently, they’re going to stop ‘partying’.
While Pattinson stands around looking like a jaded cupboard on the shoot for new film, Cosmopolis, he’s been snapped by paps in the nightspots of Canada while poor ol’ Kristen stays at home, looking after his dog. The dog, presumably, the one who awkwardly tries to make conversation every night.
An insider, with a nose like a grated satsuma, says:
‘He’s been out almost every night at concerts and dinners with pals – and this is hot on the heels of him going out clubbing with Sienna Miller in London a few weeks ago.
‘Kristen’s upset about his partying and ended up having a tearful showdown with him over the phone, saying he’s acting as if he finds life boring with her.
Get that? Life. Boring. With Kristen Stewart. Astonishing that even a lepton like R-Pattz could possibly conceive of a life that is in anyway filled with traces of vigour and fun.
Suffice to say, our insider who has been on-set claims that things are very different indeed
“Pattinson just stands there in the clubs. People have been known to mistake him for a cloak room and spent ten, fifteen minutes forcing their coats down his neck while the cast and crew forget he’s even been invited out, using him as a portable urinal.”
“At one point, he did get drunk. One of the sound guys found him lying on the sidewalk, stinking of drink. CCTV footage revealed to everyone that he’d accidentally become drunk after people passing by poured drinks to the kerb in respect of their dead homies, apart from the fact it wasn’t a kerb, rather, Robert lying there with his little mouth open.”
“It’s quite depressing really. It’s like his insides have already gone to a Swiss clinic, leaving his body a mere shell.”
So there you have it.
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