We’ve all seen rather a lot of Rihanna over the years and she’s increasingly keen to tell us all about her sex-life. Basically, she’s now sounding like one of those highly sexualised virgins you find taking self-shots on Tumblr.
Ostensibly, she’s turning into one of those tiresome young people who can’t stop talking about vaguely risque sex, but regrettably, is very easy on the eye so we all gawp like sickos every time she flashes her arse.
Yet, as we know, last week Northern Irish farmerman Alan Graham asked Rihanna to leave his field after he spotted her running around with her baps out while she shot a promotional video. And now he’s getting hatemail from Rihanna fans who are clearly the most stupid people on Earth (not including Chris Brown and Queen fans, natch).
The hugely religious farmer, with his dirty fingernails and thousand-yard stare, said that the reaction from Ri’s fans has surprised him, with one calling him a ‘bible-bashing maniac’.
Mr Graham said:
‘I’m taking it all in my stride, it’ll soon die down’
‘To be honest, all this fuss has kept me back a bit. I’ve got straw to harvest that I haven’t been able to finish yet.’
It transpires that Graham is a supporter on the DUP, which of course, was founded by Grade A mental, Ian Paisley and now headed up by Peter Robinson who is probably still crying himself to sleep every night thinking about the affair his wife had with a teenager butcher.
Still, all these men are bound by a belief in God and a complete revulsion of gay people. You’ve heard of Iris Robinson, the DUP member who said she had a friend who could ‘cure’ homosexuality? You heard about their campaign called ‘Save Ulster From Sodomy’?
Great bunch.
And so, we can only hope that Alan Graham’s newly found celebrity sees him being offered huge sums of money to appear nipple-to-nipple with Ian Paisley in the pages of Zoo or Nuts.
That’s what normally happens with overnight celebrities, right?
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