You’ll all have heard about Bob Geldof’s (CDs) upcoming Live 8 gig by now – unless you’ve been living in a cave or, even worse, holed up with Pete Doherty (CDs) for a three week binge in a crack den.

You’ll all have heard about ‘Make Poverty History’, the noble yet overly simplified attempt to end the worldwide plight of the poor.  You’ll have heard about how the purpose of the gig is to raise awareness of this plight.

And you’ll all have heard what a cripplingly awful line-up they’ve assembled.

This whole concert – or rather this series of concerts; five of the blighters taking place around the world – is surely going to be like a never-ending Mondeo journey with your ‘cool’ uncle’s cassette collection blasting through the stereo. Just look at the swirling blizzard of mediocrity all set to blow across the stage.

Snow Patrol. Dido. Texas. Travis. Natasha and Daniel Bedingfield. Jamie Cullum. Ronan Keating. The musical equivalent of fizzy mineral water – there’s an attempt at a spark, sure, but ultimately everything still falls flat.

What this whole shebang needs – we’re sure you’ll agree – is a genuinely amazing band. A passionate group of real musicians, say, whose ever-progressing body of work may well turn out to define a generation. A band like… ooohhh… Radiohead (CDs)?

Sorry. It ain’t to be. Despite being offered (presumable) pride of place among the line-up, Thom Yorke and the boys have declined any approaches to take part. "They were asked but they can’t do it," a band spokesman said.

"Jonny [Greenwood] is out of action because he and his wife have just had a baby and the rest of the band are spread out all over the place at that time."

Oh well. Looks like any Radiohead fans who want to go to the concert are out of luck. Unless, of course, they close their eyes during Coldplay (CDs) and pretend they’re listening to a studio demo of The Bends.

See? There’s always options.

[story by C J Davies]