R Kelly is being sued by former manager Jeff Kwatinetz for over $1 million. While that’s all very interesting and we’ll mention it later in the article, this is obviously not the reason we’re running the story. Clearly, we want to make jokes about R Kelly and sex with minors.
Of course, Kelly hasn’t ever been to prison or anything like that, so we can’t say he’s properly guilty of it. However, we can join the scrum and snicker about the rumours. And for those thinking we’re being racist, we’d do the same if Woody Allen was in the news more often (c’mon! You don’t think his relationship with Soon-Yi is weird as shit?).
Alas, we’re looking at R Kelly.
So, Kwatinetz reckons he played a massive part in resurrecting Kelly’s career. He claims that the ‘Ignition’ singer agreed to pay 15% him commission and, of course, he’s failed to do so. That’s why they’re going to court, dummy.
Kwatinez is saying that Kelly’s business manager said that The Kwat (we invented a nickname for him) wouldn’t get paid “because the monies were needed for payments to avoid lawsuits and adverse publicity resulting from Kelly’s alleged [sexual misconduct].”
Which allows us, under the guise of giving you the back story, the chance to bring all that sex business back up.
See, Kelly started off getting bothered by the law in the usual hip hop manner, getting into a fight, which saw the victim needing 110 facial stitches… which is horrible and impressive. Then, things went a bit Michael Jackson when a video surfaced which claimed to feature R Kelly doing the sex with an underage girl.
Kelly denied that he was the man in the video, but he was still indicted in Chicago on 21 counts of having sex with a minor, which were later reduced to soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography.
Maybe it was all one big misunderstanding? Well… in 2003, he got his ass arrested again on child pornography charges after the police found pictures of an underage girl as well as a video of Kelly having sex with an underage girl on a digital camera.
He’s not a man to be fucked with, clearly. Especially if you’re ten. ALLEGEDLY ALLEGEDLY.
Anyway, R Kelly isn’t taking this chat from Kwatman.
A spokesman for the artist says:
“Jeff Kwatinetz’s complaint is a collection of half-truths, distortions, and outright fabrications. Mr. Kwatinetz is a disgruntled former manager who apparently feels the need to try to seek retribution for his discharge.”
No date has been set for the trial as yet, but we’re betting that Kelly stalls court again with yet another burst appendix excuse.
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