We all know that relationships are tough, even for the most boring people amongst us. Actually, especially for them. Imagine having nothing to say to someone that you think you love but you’re too much of a dullard to actually express the emotion. That must be heart-rending.
See the link? Yes, that’s right folks X Factor 200- err… winner Alexandra Burke has come out and claimed that she finds her long-distance relationship with Marcus Anthony (not the J.Lo one) “hard”.
The queen of fantastic adjectives has stated that it sometimes makes her “sad” and is “not nice”.
Seriously though the singer, famous for hits such as ‘Cats In A Sack’ & ‘Beige Life’, has been in a relationship with US-based singer/songwriter Marcus Anthony since late 2011 and has claimed that it is only internet software such as Skype which is keeping their relationship alive.
We can only guess at the role that Skype plays. Perhaps they caterwaul dishwater ballads down the line at one another while Alexandra clamps her eyes shut as if she’s constipated. Like we said earlier, it must be really tough to be in a long-distance relationship when you’re more mundane than the process of making a cup of tea.
She said:
“We’re still dating exclusively but long-distance?love?is very hard.?He’s in America and I haven’t seen him for a couple of months because we’re both so busy.?It’s not easy at all, but the more you dwell on it the more it gets to you. Skype is brilliant though.”
The real problem is, who do you turn to when your asinine management suggests that they might want to make you seem “interesting” or when someone on the internet claims that her sound is like “listening to an imprisoned maiden, wailing from a tower while she’s encased in an Iron Maiden”? She can’t turn to her boyfriend because he’s miles away and probably doesn’t actually care.
That’s why good ol’ Alexandra has employed a team of boyfriend replacements to pander to her every drudging whim:
“Having a long-distance relationship doesn’t make you feel like you have someone who’s there.?They can’t give you a cuddle if you want one. I wouldn’t rely on him for support when I’ve got my team here. If I need to have a cry, I know they’re there for me. Sometimes my head is all over the place.”
Go team!
Yes, it appears that when you have money you’re able to hire people to act as a facsimile for the intimate moments that you’re missing out on in your hectic but humdrum life. Much like prostitutes but with flashier titles and far better hair. Is that to say that Alexandra consults the services of prostitutes? No.
What about Marcus? Is he to be trusted? Well apparently Alexandra trusts him not to throw himself into the arms of the ladies of the night. Even if they do claim to be an Alexandra Burke lookalike (which no-one would put on their CV).
“Do I trust him? Yes, 100 per cent. You have to trust who you’re in a relationship with. If you don’t have it, let it go.”
So what have we learned from this monotonous meander through someone else’s personal life? 1) If you’re in a long-distance relationship then free chat clients might be the thing for you. 2) If you can afford them, hire a team of people to tell you that everything’s going to be okay and that you’re still* musically relevant. 3) If you don’t trust someone not to sleep around behind your back then maybe they’re not the one for you.
Wise words from the world’s most bromidic singer there.
*We would like to note that you can’t ‘still’ be what you never were.