Christ, we're starting this year as we mean to go on, which is by turning up very late, slightly drunk, and not really having anything to say. So it's a lot like last year really, except people might be taking things more seriously because we could all be about to die if the Mayans have anything to do with anything.
Frankly after all this hype we're pulling for them. You can't have an evolved civilisation and not be right about the end of the world, things just don't work like that.
Characteristically we're apologising for not doing anything for a whole 12 days, but you know we did spend ?6.50 on one whisky and we watched New Girl so the recovery period was catastrophic if we're actually over it yet (we're not). But don't worry your revitalised little hearts because nobody has done any music videos. Well some people did, but they're just rude. Clearly anyone who is anyone is sitting at home and tweeting their well wishes to Beyonc? for having a child and then calling it Blue Ivy not Ivy Blue?a controversial move by the woman who thought a man who picked the last letter of the alphabet for a name was daddy material.
Sometimes it pays to be rude, so here are some videos that reaffirm your faith in how much you hate people. And, what with 2012 being the year of starting sentences with ?and? because we dare to defy your English teachers, by people we mean The Arctic Monkeys who you completely forgot existed didn't you? Well they're still around and apparently they have an album called Suck It And See.
Did you learn? Did you learn all about how Matt Helders can rock orange as good as anyone bar the entire cast of Con Air? It's a fairly okay song called ?Black Treacle? and there’s little more to add than that, so we shout instead…
Bloody hell! It appears that this year is the year of continuing promotion for albums that came out ages ago which is exactly why whiny gits Death Cab For Cutie have a new song out! As you might expect it's a bit, you know, whiny.
Hey! What’s this? It's an acronym and acronym?s are always pretty daunting especially when they say ?V.E.N.O.M.? Just remember that these are some lovely young chaps from Leeds and not mass murderers and you\’ll be fully equipped to see ?young? men expressing their emotions via rabies and tie dye.
But who cares about that, once you realise that The Scissor Sisters are back? Did any of you care? Now they might have been gone a few years (roughly a million) but that's no excuse for embracing electronica and rap and then just forcing them to penetrate each other continuously for four minutes; especially when the song is loosely paedophilic.
Yep, that was the video, it was a lot of children gyrating intercut with some shots of old men. That was it. If you didn't hate it enough already then the worst person to ever win the NME ?Cool? list sing on the track?hence it being tripe.
Some other bands have videos out too, including one called The Slowdown who aren't The Wanted or One Direction, but manage to look like both and they have a song called ?Sex? but, like us, you probably can't be arsed more than anything you've ever not been arsed about. You could though treat yourself and watch this:
It's so lovely. It was pitched as a short film by a real director and has real actors in who have been in things you pretend not to have heard of and love like Lovejoy and Mrs Henderson Presents, it even has a real narrative. It's like young love but with old people and death and Alzheimer?s and stuff which is weird because we don't think the song sounds sad, but we didn't listen to the lyrics or anything, do people still do that?