You Americans just want all of our glorious items don't you? One of Blighty’s few remaining cultural importances may be lost forever if Kraft gets its way.
Soon, obesity will reach a whole new proportion as chocolate cheese is introduced for fat children to gobble up. However, there are a few exceptions that we?ll be proud to give away. And as we're such a generous bunch of sods, there isn't a need to return the favour.
Take Piers Morgan, for example. No, really, take him. Despite all the negative publicity from his doctored photos scandal, Piers has still managed to bag countless TV programmes for himself. You can't go anywhere in the UK without seeing him – and know he wants to expand his annoying portfolio in America, too.
At the moment, Piers Morgan the man who judges both Britain’s Got Talent and America’s Got Talent. Over there, the prize is bigger, the set is glitzier and the contestants are so bonkers that they make Susan Boyle look normal and, in some cases, attractive.
America's Got Talent works to an extent because it’s one of those shows we can all watch together as a family. You know, like in the old days when Family Fortunes was on and wasn?t presented by Vernon Kay. Once you see someone swing a tortoise through some burning hoops, though, it gets a bit tedious. Especially the sob stories, although sometimes it's hard to avoid laughing when pensioners roll up in their electric scooters with delusional dreams that speed-knitting will win.
So what?ll be the next big talent show to take America by storm? Well, it has to be X Factor, of course. There the contest is all about the singing. Definitely not about your background, your appearance, your weight, any disabilities or your marketability. No, it's based on pure raw talent. Minus the exception of Leon Jackson.
Now we don't want to throw a spanner into Piers Morgan going to America. Frankly, we?d love that to happen as he'd be away from our own screens and not prattling on about much he knows about everything. But that's what he seemingly wants to do. But where is his musical experience? On the UK X Factor Cheryl Cole has a successful career on her own and with Girls Aloud, Dannii Minogue lives in the musical shadow of Kylie Minogue and Louis Walsh inflicted Westlife on us all. They all know music. But Morgan? Speaking to The Sun, he said:
?I would love to work with Simon on it as we have a laugh on Britain’s Got Talent. I give him quite a lot of stick and he quite likes it. Americans would find it hysterical.?
From the country that gave us Friends, yes they probably would be choking on their deep-fried triple cheeseburgers with your hilarious banter, Piers. Oh the laughs we?ll get when once of you disagrees with the other. It'll be extra amusing because you\’ll do it in a charming English accent. Probably why Cheryl Cole won't be getting the job. Damn her Geordie roots.
America, he's yours forever, courtesy of us.
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