It's perfectly clear that Peter Andre likes humans with genitals that are the opposite of his.
Take his famous pop song Mysterious Girl. We've been able to deceiver that this song is about women. In the song he wants to ?get close? to this Mysterious Girl, but why? Did she smell nice? Or had she just baked a pie?
Either way, Peter Andre knows the difference between men and women, and that’s something he’s keen to pass onto his children. So he's got something else to squeeze into a few episodes of his rubbish ITV2 show. You see, Peter isn't overly keen that Katie Price?s new boyfriend Alex Reid likes to dress up in pretty frocks and makeup.
Apart from having his profile boosted by going out with a woman who has balloons for boobs, Alex Reid is a cagefighter by trade. This basically means that he gets to don skimpy pants, oil himself up and then get into a ring with someone else who looks exactly the same. It’s kind of like low budget homoeroticism shown before the watershed, except with crowds of morons going loopy in the aisle and throwing warm beer at each other.
There’s nothing funny about it. But Alex Reid is also a cross-dresser. And there’s probably nothing funny about that, either, but it hasn’t stopped Peter Andre from firing a warning shot across his bows anyway. Because his PR probably told him to say so, Katie Price?s ex-husband told The Sun:
?Whatever people are doing in their private lives, and that goes for them or anyone, can you please not do it in front of the kids. I’m not going to criticise, I’m not going to say, ‘How dare you do this or that’, just don’t do it in front of the kids. Give me that little bit of respect.?
You ruddy well go Peter. we're totally behind you on this one. What kind of parent would want to go and ruin their precious offspring?s childhood? Just look at us – not having a camera crew filming us eating toast in the morning and running out of toilet roll when the vital moment arrived completely broke our fragile minds. Now we scurry around at night looking for scraps of food. Honestly if we could turn back time we’d wish that our every movement could be documented on tape.
Of course, Peter just wants to be a good father. Awful future conversations such as ?Why has mummy let herself go?? and ?Look daddy, she has a hairy face like you!? can easily be avoided if transvestite types don’t grace the Andre household for a slab of cake and a game of backgammon.
However it will inevitable that Peter Andre or Jordan or Katie Price will have to mop up their children?s tears when they start school. In our time at school, we don't recall many pupils being called Junior and Princess Tiaamii. Expect a lot of name calling and general rudeness from children with normal names. Unless the pair are sent to special celebrity children?s school where they can brush up on geography with girls called Rustic Neon and boys called Abarabbie Cola.
Still, Junior will have it worse. His classmates will have all typed ?Junior?s mum topless? into Google several times by now, and they’re only four.