Political discussions normally crop up late at night when everyone at a party has ran out of booze and needs something to talk about, or your some sort of student pointlessly studying the subject at university.
UK politics inspires to the extent where we want to do nothing more than call anyone involved in a job which, essentially, is nothing but a blame games. Who can lead a successful constituency without a well funded second home and moat full of ducks? Ducks made out of coins probably.
If the economy hasn't gone belly up, we're either being told that criminals are getting away with more crimes and the political system becomes more and more elitist due to class and status. Basically, going to a state school will prang your chances of ever running the country. What we need is a refreshing look at the way UK politicians operate. The student protest showed people power does nothing, so what's our remaining option? Enter our Lady and Saviour, Peaches Geldof.
Now give Peaches a chance here people. You might think she is a useless twonk who only pesters us occasionally because of her Monday hating father Bob.
Actually, now that we come to think about it, we can't really think of any redeeming features about her. Bless her; she is a comic source of mockery for having a stupid name. Still it could be worse; Peaches might have been called Ripe Melons Geldof instead.
For some reason, Company Magazine decided to interview Peaches Geldof after airbrushing the hell out of some photos. They, unfathomably, asked Geldof what her favourite thing about Britain was. As an annoying pratty child, you'd assume her to snort repeatedly before answering, wipe her nose with a wad of cash and then brag about all the free stuff she gets sent. Instead, she answered:
“Ed Miliband, he’s fit. In fact, both Miliband brothers, and David Cameron for that matter, are quite fit. British politics has a suave thing going on.”
There are a couple of depressing issues here. Firstly, someone has a slight bit of fame and a small legion of mentalist devotees will probably encourage people to vote for people because of how fit they are. Given that theory, Wagner from X-Factor shouldn?t have passed the audition stage and if Peaches Geldof had her way, David Cameron and Nick Clegg would have decided who got to be prime minister after oiling up and wrestling in a paddling pool of jelly.
Frankly, the cabinet Peaches Geldof would employ would be made up of vain men who aren't allowed membership until they've had five spray tans.
Elsewhere, the female staff in the Geldof political party would consist of the funny looking girls that work in American Apparel who look at you askance for daring to ask if they stock clothes in regular peoples sizing, as opposed to impossibly thin versions.
But wait! Peaches is a realist, we're just presumptuous dicks. She explains that she likes to keep things to a norm:
“I prefer real situations with my real friends. We go to a little dive bar in Dalston run by Turkish men drinking White Lightning cider while they Skype their families back home. I love weird, out-of-context bars rather than swanky places.”
By real friends, we assume the people who aren't there to lick her arse, tell her she's wonderful and get an evening of free food and drink.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!