There are lots of pointless things in life, men’s nipples for example. But the most pointless object in the world is Paris Hilton. She’s famous for doing absolute nothing apart from being lucky enough to be born in to a family who own a lucrative chain of hotels.
Oh and be very rich and ponce around at posh people's parties that we’re not invited to. And – most recently – making music that would even make Supernanny lash out in an uncontrollable frenzy of violence. But help is at hand; graffiti artist Banksy has been busying himself doctoring Paris Hilton CDs and replacing all her music with a handy dandy pisstake remix CD.
Bless Paris Hilton; over the last few years she's tried desperately hard to actually do something to make us feel sorry for her. Who couldn’t feel bad for someone who has million of pounds for doing nothing? We’ve painfully watched Paris Hilton and her stick insect friend Nicole Richie travel across redneck America to learn skills that even a socially incompetent gibbon could pick up faster. Oh how we laughed.
Then came Paris Hilton's debut into the world of porn which was equally crap, being approximately ten minutes of grainy footage of two people bobbing around. Could it get worse? Yup, it's time for a singing career. Bizarrely, the TV and radio companies didn’t do what we did here at hecklerspray when they heard her appalling efforts, which was to laugh uncontrollably before using the CD as our eighth-favourite coaster.
No, not the British! We’re far too polite to say Paris Hilton's musical direction is shite. Instead, the people of Radio 1, crap local radio stations around the country and various digital music channels thought it was ok to give Stars Are Blind all kinds of airplay. Christ help us, we thought, as we dug around for our Cliff Richard albums to relive the pain. Thankfully, the music-buying public have at least some amount of sense and Paris Hilton's debut, and hopefully final, album flopped and died on its arse with hardly a copy sold.
While we celebrated happily, one man called Banksy has taken it upon himself to poke even more fun at Miss Hilton and has remixed the entire album. Banksy is, for anyone who doesn’t know, a notorious graffiti artist who has previously taken his own pieces of pisstake art in to museums in New York and the Tate Modern in London as well leaving his signature graffiti marks around the country. But Banksy's latest venture in remixing Paris Hilton came out of the blue and goes to show that this bloke has more talent than we thought.
Usually when folks remix albums, they usually just stick the results onto internet sites for people to listen to at their leisure, but Banksy went one step further and actually swapped his own remix CDs for Paris’s in actual music stores like HMV, Virgin and independent record stores across the country. Banksy even doctored the sleeve artwork to show images of the socialite looking – according to reports: "Topless and with a dog's head.” Songs included on the remix album, include: Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For? Exactly what hecklerspray asks on a pretty much daily basis.
But the best bit of this story is that out of the 500 copies of the album Banksy has doctored for people to buy, nobody has actually returned a copy complaining that it's crap. That’s probably because the remix album is better then the real thing. So expect a sudden surge in Paris Hilton popularity as people search for the bootleg CD.
[story by Matthew Laidlow]