Sometimes a story rolls around that is just so completely perfect that we can’t help shedding a happy little tear. And guess what? This is one of those stories.

It involves Tom Sizemore – a man who thought that he could pass a drug test by weeing out of a pretend penis, Paris Hilton – a girl who only has to sneeze to make the headlines, and a sex tape. Fantastic…

Tom Sizemore (DVDs) is a ‘troubled’ actor. After starring in hits like
Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down, his career took a few knocks
after he was convicted of assault and battery for beating up his
girlfriend Heidi Fleiss. His parole conditions allowed him to go and shoot a film, but only if he agreed to take random drug tests. Sizemore was later
caught weeing out a sample of clean piss through a prosthetic penis – The Whizzinator -
and was jailed.

With his acting career on the skids, Sizemore knew exactly where he had to
go – porn. Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal, which went on sale yesterday,
is a DVD that shows the actor having sex with all kinds of women – but none of them
are Paris Hilton.

Tom brings up Paris Hilton in an interview segment of his DVD. He
apparently says that when Hilton was 19, she stayed behind at one of
his parties and explicitly suggested that they have sex. "She knew what
she could do to people," Sizemore is quoted as saying. Then the next
morning, Hilton left in a limo with the words "Goin’ to Sundance. See
you next week."

But Paris Hilton – no stranger to starring in a bunch of sex tapes herself – has distanced herself from Tom’s claims, saying:

“It’s disappointing that Mr. Sizemore has to use my name to sell his
DVDs. He is not an acquaintance of mine nor have I ever had intimate
relations with him.”

We
don’t know what shocks us more – that Sizemore has used
Hilton’s name to sell a sex DVD, or that there’s a man in the world
that Paris Hilton says she hasn’t slept with on camera.

Read more:

Paris Hilton Denies Tryst With Tom Sizemore - MSNBC

[story by Stuart Heritage]